When you see my truth (drarry fanfic)

Chapter 4. My mate

-Harry's pov-

I sat up on the bed and stretched my arms. A yawn escaped from my mouth. The sun was up and everyone had already gone to breakfast. It had been a fun day yesterday. After dinner we all went back to the common room and held a small party. I really loved seeing all my friends again. It felt like a stone lifted from my heart. I was worried something might have happen to them, that Voldemort might had done something. No one believed me when I told them he was alive. No one wanted to believe.

I dressed and went down to the great hall. It was lively like always and everyone was happy. I took my place besides Ron and started propping my mouth full with the delicious things in front of me.

-Draco's pov-

It was terrible. I woke up in a cold sweat. I took my wand and cast a time spell. 4:32.

I got up and started dressing. I didn't want to wake up any of my room mates, if they would start wondering why I'm up at this hour. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep again. The dream I had was still too fresh. No, it wasn't just a dream. It was a memory. A memory of not too long ago. Hands... Laugh...

I went down the corridors in the direction of the doors. I had to go out of the castle. I wanted some fresh air.

The sky was still dark, but not pitch black. The sun was about to rise and the air felt warm. It wasn't a surprise. It was late summer and the leaves hadn't even fallen off the trees yet. I begun walking down to the lake. There was a special spot there I used to go to when I wanted to be alone. When I couldn't take everyone's smiles and happy talking. When I just wanted to tear apart and cry. I couldn't cry in front of others. That was unworthy of my name. I am unworthy of my name, but that doesn't mean I have to make it worse. I've always tried to please my father in being my absolute best. He'll probably be happy with my death. It will be the only thing I'll ever do right.

I watched the sun rise slowly in front of me. I knew the breakfast was around now, but I didn't have any will to eat.

I got up in time for my first lesson this term. It was actually the only lesson I liked. Potions. And it was also a perfect timing. I had already decided to mate with Potter there.

I walked my way to the potion classroom in the dungeons. I avoided looking at the walls and anywhere else except the floor as much as possible. Those cold stone walls... they gave me flashbacks.

I was in my own little world and didn't notice the boy I bumped into. Great, second time this term. I looked up and met Weasleys hating eyes. It almost made me smile. He was so utterly pathetic. Not as pathetic as me, no one could be as pathetic as me. But I have to pretend. I have to pretend I am someone. That I am important. I pretended a face alarmed with disgust. "Watch it Weasel, I don't want the diseases you must be possessing, seeing how everything you own must have been taken right from the trashes."

I brushed my arm and several Slytherins laughed as I continued in to the potion classroom. I knew Weasley said some comeback, but I didn't hear it clearly.

Potter and the mudblood had been accompanying Weasel and they all sat down in the far back of the classroom with anger in their eyes.

-Harry's pov-

Well, the only things bothering my perfect day was potions, and Malfoy. That irritating git was on it as always. I could not let my eyes off his back as he calmly relaxed into his chair. If stares could kill he would be as dead as Salsar Slytherin, well... maybe not quite that dead, but at least not as relaxed as he is now!

-Draco's pov-

I could feel their stares in my back. It was laughable, really. But I didn't do anything. Just tried to act as untroubled as possible. Snape gave us our assignments. The easiness off the assignment differenced from person to person cause Snape gave easy ones to the 'less gifted' and harder ones to them he wanted to show off the skills.

The easiness in Potters assignment was bizarre. It was obvious that Snape was trying to show Potter's weak skills by giving him a ridiculously easy assignment, but I didn't have a long time to focus on that small joy, once my own assignment was in front of me. I was a really hard potion he wanted me to make. I was fairly sure this was taught to the seventh grade students. But I didn't dwell on that. I was good in potion, actually, I surpassed the mudblood, and she was almost best in everything else.

I was very careful with the potion and once it was finished, there was still time left. I looked back at Potter. He didn't have any problems either. But then again, his potion was for second graders. I don't think even Longbottom would be able to screw that one up.

I decided to do it. I was going to do it. Now. I was a bit scared. A mate would be for the rest of the life. I would never be able to fall in real love with someone else. But then again, I wouldn't have a life after this. This was going to end my life! I didn't do this for to dwell on the fact that I'm never going to be able to fall in real love and get a family. I'm doing this to die. There's not even one single person I love on this planet except my mother. And I was very sure that there wont be anyone I'll ever love except mother and Potter either, because the fact that I'll fall madly in love with Potter was for certain. I'll just have to avoid him and all will be fine.

I had been staring at him, he finally looked up and those green eyes met mine. It was then I did it. I didn't want to think about anything else. I just forced myself to do it. To take my suicide. It was now I did it. There was no turning back after.

And then I felt it. The wave startled me and I had to turn away. Breathing heavily. I could feel it. I knew I had done it. Now I was practically dead. Whatever I did in my life from now on won't matter, because I'll die for sure soon.

I frowned as I suddenly felt a new sensation in my chest. It was the sensation of thinking of Potter. Potter? It was funny, a funny feeling. Gone where the hatred and jealousy I've felt under the years. The fact that Potter had declined my friendship in the first year was now saddening, not hateful. The fear that Potter had seen my madness and that's why he declined my friendship turned to sorrow. I suddenly felt a huge cloud of sadness swallow me. Potter hated me. He had always hated me, because he saw me. He saw right trough me. He saw the freak my father saw. He saw past my Malfoy mask. He found me hideous, just like father.

I couldn't stay here with Potter's gaze on me. I couldn't meet those glowing green eyes. I darted out of the classroom and continued to run until I was in my room. There I threw myself on my bed and started crying. Good, I forced myself to think. Now the first step is done. I'll just have to avoid him. But deep down I realised that that would be a much tougher thing to do than I first imagined, but that didn't scare me off. I was determined to do this. Never again would I return home. Never again to the Malfoy's manor. Never again to the Malfoy's dungeons.