Anxiety Alley

Ben [Chapter 1]

Ben-

I was having a great day, until I tripped right into the most gorgeous girl I had ever seen, and made a complete fool of myself.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" she squeaked, obviously as embarrassed as I was. 

I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out. 

"I-" I finally began, only to be cut off. 

"I didn't see you, I swear I'm not trying to decapitate you or something," she said, finally taking a breath at the end of the run-on sentence, "Oh!" her eyes flew wide open, "I almost forgot, my name's Willow," she smiled shyly, renewing every last trace of the lingering blush. I stared at her open-mouthed, until she huffed and asked, 

"And you are?" 

"B-ben," I stutter, my face growing even redder, "A-and I'm s-sorry too."

"Okay," she concedes, "Forgiven. Umm, sorry if I'm awkward but. . ." she leans toward me conspiratorially, "I used to be a homeschooler." She whispers this last part, as is she's both ashamed and proud. It's adorable. I just want to brush a piece of her fire-truck red hair of her face, but I can't. 

Other than the fact that I'm socially awkward, she's so small and petite, I'd probably break her. I'm 6 ft even, and she can't be more than 5'2. She looks up at me with wide, slightly slanted eyes. They are glaring, and brown, contrasting perfectly with the deep purple streak in her red, red hair. Her skin is a lighter version of mine, barely tinted, like coffee that's mostly creamer.   Judging by her mastery of her thick, dark eyeliner, she obviously didn't stay inside all those years of homeschooling. 

The revving of the buses engine as they pulled out shattered our small moment. Over the cacophony of inane chatter,  backpacks bump into us and people mutter at us to move. This is so different, and so much scarier, than my old school. My old school was only 150 people in each grade. There must be 400 here.  

She offers me a quick wave, and I barely remember to wave back before she disappears into the endless crowd.  

Willow, I think to myself, I've never heard a name like it. It gets me to wondering, is it her real name? All of sudden, I look around at this place, how huge it is, how many people I don't know, and I start to panic. 

No, no ,no, no. This was a horrible idea, maybe I can convince my mom to come pick me up. The breath catches in my lungs, my throat tightens up and I CANNOT BREATHE. I'm hyperventilating, and I start to doubt everything I know, everything everyone has ever told me. People are staring, which is making it so much worse. 

I feel trapped, I need to get out!! And then, the worst part, I feel like I'm coming apart on the inside. I grab a handful of my disheveled hair and pull, hard.Maybe if it hurts enough, I can forget about all of this, and remember who I am, or who I was. My confidence is draining out as fast as the will to even try. 

I can't do this, and judging by the faces of my classmates, they know it. First days can make or break you, and this one is going to put a gigantic target on my back. I do the only thing I can to stop the shaking; My Chemical Romance so loud it makes my head hurt. I hurriedly shove in my earbuds and wait for the opening chords of Helena. 

The music seeps into my veins and calms me, my hands unclench and panic's vice grip on my throat loosens slightly. I take deep breaths as Helena ends and The Ghost Of You starts. The only I thought I have is to be grateful the red-haired girl, Willow, didn't see it. Who knows what she'd think of me.

I'm back to normal, or as normal as you can get, when the song finishes. Now if only MCR would get back together. I could use some new songs. One can only hope.