Train of Thoughts

Train Loop

=============== Lexa Heda ===============

How do I put this? Damn it. I've never been this speechless in my entire life. Anya was sure as hell making my life miserable as she can. She said I was being an idiot again. Did I say again? Let me explain. The first time she said that was back in our high school days when my closet-self came charging into a room infested with sweaty and steamy half naked girls after gym class and I - the gay virgin one- came out deeply frustrated and broken hearted because Roma the so-called 'openly gay' popular cheerleader asked Harper my so-called (as Anya puts it) my 'gay eye opener'. She was my first crush and it went downhill from there because the 'popular girl' did what I've been planning to do for weeks! She stole her. *sigh* I spent my entire junior and senior year avoiding and keeping down low due to my undying crush... Oh did I mentioned that she was my best friend? Yupp, friendship went down the drain.

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"You're being an idiot, Lexa!"

"I know! For the 15th time!" Lexa paced around Anya's office feeling deeply perturbed. "And you think I've never thought of doing that? Jeez, Anya!"

Anya raised her hands in defense, "Look, honey. You said nobody knew. I was like 'okay'. Maybe she haven't figured it out yet." Then the older woman flung her hands in the air, "But for crying out loud Lexa, give yourself a break! How long are you gonna hold back? Get over it! It was over ages ago!"

The brunette gave her a cold glare but Anya didn't buckled down.

"I'm over it, Anya. And that is not the reason why I'm hesitating. Because if I did what I've been wanting to do...," she took a deep breath to calm down before continuing her words. It was sure as hell taking its toll on her. " I can't jeopardize my project, Anya and you know that. This job means the world to me. I can't do that."

Lexa walked towards the door with so much heat and hollowed heart.

"Can I say it again? You're being an idiot, Lexa!"

"That's what I aim to be!" She bantered back sarcastically, before exiting the room.

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You can call me masochistic idiot. Go on then. But I don't regret what I did. I was confused and scared of rejection. After the first one I thought I will never meet anyone else but then there was... Gold. She made my head go crazy. I can't sleep. I can't eat. All I could think about is you. What are you doing at this moment? Were you even thinking about me?... Are you with him? Are you making out-.... You know what. Forget it. Because my people comes first. I'll do what it takes to not put their lives at stake. They depend on me and that's what I aim to do. I am their head. And I will not change that for anything else. Even if my heart is on the line.

============ Clarke Griffin ============

"Hey there, Princess."

Clarke looked up and realized that Octavia had already arrived.

"Hey," flipping her phone with her hand.

"Still no call, huh."

She sighed and sagged deeper on their booth at Grounder's cafe.

"I don't know what I did wrong, O. I thought we were doing great! You know getting to know each other. We were enjoying each other's company. But then she went awol with me after the picnic. God..."

"Just give her time, Clarke. She'll get there. Maybe she's too busy with work. You know her. She can be such a workaholic."

"You're probably right. I asked Finn about her and he said his boss was back to her bitchy self again."