HAM (Hard As a Muthaf**ka)

Start Choosin, Hoe

Start Choosin, Hoe

2 YEARS AGO…

                   “Yo man, you shouldda seen her! Shequisha Watson is bad!” howled Detrick, as we stepped into the party. The sounds of A Milli by Lil Weezy boomed throughout the rec center, as we made our way through. Frankly, I was tired of Detrick yappin his mutha fuckin soup coolers in my ear about Shameka Watson, Shequisha, or whatever the fuck that bish’s name was. I seen her…and other than a nice ass, she wasn’t anything special with her ghetto ass fuchsia weave in her hair, and her flea market ass Baby Phat t-shirt on.

                   “Nigga you will holla at anything wit an ass,” growled Kantrell, as we laughed. Detrick threw his hands up. “What the fuck is more important than a bad ass?!”

                   “A cute face,” I said.

                   “No booty-do,” said Mont

                   “Small waistline,” threw in Ross.

                   “Alright!” grunted Detrick. “I’m just sayin, nigga…I like all of that, wit a nice, juicy fat ass. Yall gon’ fault a nigga fo’ that?”

                   “Nigga, Shequisha Watson is NOT the embodiment of all that, that we just named,” laughed Ross. “I wouldn’t mind havin that bish gimme brain, and I skeet in her eye, but girlfriend that bish? Hell naw,”

                   “Aight nigga, who you think has all those qualifications around here?”

                   “Sheryl Moss,” answered Ross.

                   “Hell, while you at it, you might as well throw Corliss Hamilton’s name in there too,” said Kantrell. “After all, Sheryl and Corliss are friends. She a lil cutie…aint that right, J?”

                   “Wha?”

                   “Nigga don’t play me…I see how you and Corliss be talkin in maff class,” snapped Kantrell. I smirked a little looking off. “Yeah, I seent you, nigga- be thinkin you slick,”

                   “Yeah Kant, Corliss is nice,” I said. “She want me to come over her folks house and swim in the pool wit her and her lil sister. I may take her up on that shit,”

                   “I heard Quint was trynna push up on Corliss,” said Mont.

                   “Quint? That bone headed ass negro?!” I shouted. “I hope that aint what she dig in a nigga. That nigga’s a real fuckin loser,”

                   “I onno…that nigga sellin that hard, J…got him a lil crew, makin that gwap,” said Mont. “I don’t wanna be down wit that nigga’s crew coz, that nigga is ultra wack, but wouldn’t mind getting some of that money,”

                   “Let’s rob that nigga,” said Kantrell. “I remember when me and Quint fought back in the ninth grade….that pussy ass nigga couldn’t even hold his own, had to have his boy Devin to try and help him out,”

                   “Are you sure it’s even worth robbin that nigga?” asked Detrick, as Ross laughed. “I mean that nigga might just drop the money an’ shit, and run…especially if niggas got tools?”

                   “What makes you think that scary ass nigga aint gon have no tool? The reason niggas get shot is cause the scary ass niggas always shoot first,” I said, as we walked to the table…damn! Niggas always eatin up some shit- no potato chips and no punch left.