Shrinking in a corner,
pressed into the wall;
do they know I'm present,
am I here at all?
Is there a written rule book,
that tells you how to be—
all the right things to talk about—
that everyone has but me?
Slowly I am withering—
a flowered deprived of sun;
longing to belong to—
somewhere or someone.
There is some kind of a sweet innocence in being human. In not having to be just happy or just sad, it is in the nature of being able to be both broken and whole, at the same time
She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.
She couldn't eat and she couldn't sleep. She was not doing well in terms of being a functional human.
She was lonely. Lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, she saw just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scared her to be this lonely because it seemed catastrophic.
She just had her senses and soul by her side. Both wounded to be cured by each other.
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.
She was withering. Day by day. With all her might.
It was her second day in this house. Dawood took her in his nikkah two days to shower his facade sympathy as her mother died. She couldn't care less as he was of no significance now. He was off of her heart now and that's how she came to acknowledge the phrase that looks always deceive. He was every bad thing in world that she could think of.
After their nikkah with just immediate family members he took her with him to his place.
'I can give you whatever you want but respect. Don't you ever dare to ask me that. And you know very well why... ', with those thundering whispers he told her his thoughts and got out of the room without even glancing her way.
She saw this coming. Now she thought she could comprehend everything before it happened.
****************
Days flowed by, drenching her with more and more sorrows and Dawood being pathetic. She wanted to see her father but Dawood was super busy with his job. Moreover, she was not allowed to go on her own until she takes his permit. It was one of his so many rules that she was bound to follow to live in his house or else she can see her way out according to Dawood.
She couldn't calculate her eating time which was so not good for her.
'Eat.', thats what she heard that day after so many days from him.
It as their First time, eating together. Dinner. On a big black coloured glass table that radiated the light hanging above on the roof. She still remembered that Fatima got that fancy illumination. Wench.
'Eat now. I'm seeing this, you're not eating well. You should eat you know. It's not good for both of you.', he said in his still cold tone.
'Who both?', she asked out of the blue which pinned Dawood's temper that loosed and hit her hard.
'Seriously! The sole reason? What is it? Why did I marry you, you genius. Just because of this wretch that you are growing in there.', the more he barked the more she dreaded.
She totally forgot it.
It was as if the world was swimming again.
The reality crashed hard again.
Time ticked again.
Breeze flowed again.
To bear her panic attack she did nothing. She just pulled herself up and left for her bedroom. Their bedroom. Leaving Dawood bellowing his philosophies and god know what.
That's what he was. A handsome devil with a smart mouth that fired stones of torment.
Pour on, she'll endure.
YOU ARE READING
Winter's Last Stand {COMPLETED}
RomanceShe was 20 and he was 25, but now she is 25 and in this span of 5 years she did whatever it took to secure him for her from Allah... Well, whatever it took.. She wasn't quite a good Muslimah but her passion for him made her.. She wasn't...
