Watch and Whisper

Chapter 4

Jenna

I dreamt. I had no sense of time, but it felt like days. The dreams came and went. First it was my family back in Minnesota. The emotions from seeing their faces as I realized, even in sleep, how much I missed them, were as powerful as if I was awake. I saw bits and pieces of my life before moving to Durham. My mother, who always supported me through everything I did, encouraged me to follow my dreams no matter where they led. My stepfather, who, along with my mother encouraged me, gave me the confidence in myself that I needed to pursue that dream. My father, who was less encouraging, wanted me to choose a dream closer to home. I had insisted that I wanted to attend Duke. If I was honest, I had needed to go far away. I had promised to return after I graduated. But my father still grumbled and complained that I could get the same degree there in Minnesota. The memory was fresh, and with it, a sense of regret. Should I have listened to him? What would have been different if I had?

I dreamt of my only sister, my niece and nephews, my dog… and then, there was Erik. If I was honest, he was the real reason I had decided to go away. I still felt the heartbreak of when he had left me over a year ago. I needed time away from all the places that reminded me of him. The sharp sting of betrayal had turned into a dull, aching memory that only sometimes reduced me to heaving sobs. But in the dream, I felt the pain as if it had been yesterday. I saw the guilt plain on his face as he explained that we had fallen apart. But I knew what had really happened. He had confirmed as much after I cried and told him that I'd try harder. I'd be better for him. I loved him. The truth was that he had fallen for another. I had never had a dream that was so vivid and real.

 As the time passed, those memories faded and were replaced with other dreams. Images of a man. The most beautiful man I’d ever seen. Even more beautiful than Erik had been to me.

 Though the man was a stranger that I had never seen, his smiles, which brought dimples to his cheeks, seemed to penetrate me. His voice, crystal clear and deep, yet soft as a caress, resounded in my head, and saturated me to the bone. His eyes being a beautiful brown, not dark like most people with brown eyes. They were a light brown and they were full of life and promise. Promise of what, I didn't know.

Those eyes had held me in their gaze, locked me away inside, and rendered me unable to move, to speak, or even to breathe. My body seemed to feel the burn of desire more than it ever had while awake. He would kiss me and the sensation of his lips on mine sent electricity through my body, my very cells singing to him. When he entered me, he seemed to fuse to my very soul. A connection so deep that I knew his thoughts… and they mimicked mine. I experienced his amazement at what he felt as he moved inside me. I knew that he had been powerless to stop himself from having me and when he did, he had felt severely weakened. But that it did not matter, because at the same time, he felt more powerful than he ever had.

At the same time, I was experiencing my own thoughts and feelings. I had a sense of ownership and pride. I knew he was mine. He continued to make love to me and as he penetrated me over and over, I came. A strong climax throbbing throughout my body from that one sweet spot between my thighs.

Afterward, we had slept, until I awoke from the heat. My muscles felt like they were on fire. As I tried to sit up, I found I could not move. The man's strong arms had me pinned to him in a tight embrace. I could not move my arms or legs, but I knew I was safe in his arms. These dreams lasted for a while. The beautiful man had not let me go, and the heat in my body seemed to decrease. It had not been painful, just too warm. Finally, when it had disappeared, the beautiful man released me, turned me over, and smiled that glorious smile, so that it all was forgotten. I knew I would be okay. He had protected me. Then all the dreams faded, and the only thing left was a numb, black void. I thought I heard his voice a few times, but I couldn't be sure. The void slowly began to release me and I gained a little more awareness. I was waking up from a long sleep, I knew. But I didn't want to wake. I wanted to go back the beautiful man to feel loved and protected once more. I knew I may never find him again, but just the possibility made me succumb to sleep once more.