Smartass

-29-

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     Today was the day and I wasn't sure how I felt when I heard the alarm clock ring through the silence, signaling I had to get up and go to school. In a way it felt like any other morning only I was more exhausted than ever. This due to the fact that I had picked up an odd sleeping schedule with all the time off. However, I knew what was to come my way and the present fact made it even more difficult to get out of bed. The only thing that convinced me to move from between my sheets was the thought of Tyler. I knew he would be hurt if I avoided this wether he admitted it or not.

    Therefore, I got up and carried out my regular routine. I packed all of my clean football things and lugged the overweight bag into my newly fixed car. Eventually, I situated myself into the drivers seat and took off. The thirty minute drive felt like five. Thirty minutes wasn't nearly enough time to consider all the possible outcomes of this day. However, that was probably a good thing. I didn't need to be all worked up when I got there.

I pulled into my typical parking space and waited for Tyler. We agreed that we would only hold hands in school. We both felt that kissing in school would attract unwanted attention. If we hold hands people will know we are together but hopefully wouldn't feel "grossed out" enough to say something to us. As much as I struggled to push it down, the anxiety started to take over my rational thinking. Almost all of me wanted to put the key back into the ignition and drive. Drive far away from the place where social rejection lies. Instead I sat there, trembling hands digging into the steering wheel. It wasn't until tears started to brim at my eyes that Tyler approached my car.

As he got closer and closer to the drivers side window I turned my watery eyes towards the ground. I didn't look up until I heard Tyler lightly tap on the glass. When I removed my eyes from my feet below me, I saw a bright smile at first that urgently changed when he saw the status I was in. I felt so awful. God, why was I doing this to him?

He quickly opened the passenger door and climbed in beside me. I started to say something but the boy wrapped his arms around me before I could get it out. "I know why you're crying, you don't have to explain. I know this is hard." the boy spoke softly against my neck. I still felt the guilt pulling at me, causing a single tear to drop out of my eye and run down my cheek. I don't ever want that angel to think I'm embarrassed by him. I don't want him to think I would ever feel anything but a rapid beating in my chest and butterflies where my brain should be when I'm with him.

"I'm sorry Tyler. I'm not embarrassed by you. I just-" I started to assure but he pulled away from the hug. His big brown eyes met mine and his hand found its way to my cheek, rubbing the pads of his fingers across the stubble covered skin. "I know baby. Don't you worry about that I understand how you're feeling right now. I've been here before." he said as his lips came in to meet mine in a soft kiss. That short intimate contact brought me out of my head and into this reality. I understood that most of this panic was in my head and the day would probably never be as awful as I could imagine it to be. After, he pulled away he laced his fingers between my thick ones and let his forehead rest against mine.

"Joshua I want you to know that even if a hundred people say bad things about you today, I will lay in your bed tonight and tell you two hundred great things about you." he promised. With his words my features softened and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. To which, the boy smiled back before he exited the car and walked around to the drivers side. Once there, he opened my door and extended his hand for me to take. "Come on. You're ready and I'm sure of it. You should trust that I know. Sometimes others can see the strength that one doesn't see in himself." he finished and I laced our fingers together, removing myself from the car without hesitation. Tyler sounded so poetic most of the time. I felt like his words should have been carefully articulated in between the pages of a book. His angelic speech would be wasted on just my ears.