Clemency (DNF)

iii

I step inside the lively coffee shop. It's loud and cheerful. People talked and laughed over their drinks. Not my type of place.

I didn't come here often. I didn't go anywhere often, in fact. Not until I found out--

"Mimi! Over here!" Ethan waved me over. He was sitting in a corner booth of the shop. I slowly and cautiously walked over and sat down across from him.

"Hey," I mumble.

"Hi." He smiles at me. It doesn't quite reach his eyes. I notice the bags under his eyes. I notice a lot of things. He looks tired. His hair is fairly messed up and his shirt doesn't look ironed. I couldn't blame him. He wouldn't dress up for meeting me.

I'd killed his sister.

It all comes rushing back just at the sight of him. The things I've done to him. The pain I've inflicted on him. I can't hold the memories back anymore...

I was one of 'those' girls before. You know. The popular ones. The ones who bully almost everyone. But I wasn't that mean. Charlotte, now my ex-best friend, was, though.

Then there was Emily. Emily who? I didn't know then. She wasn't someone who's last name you knew. She wasn't brilliantly smart or anything. She was just... average. She was quiet, shy and she always hid in the shadows while her brother, Ethan, was one of the most popular guys in their school. My best friend.
I didn't bully as much as Charlotte; I just added her own insults here and there. But I wanted to do more. I didn't want to purposefully hurt anyone. I just wanted to be more popular. Maybe even more than Charlotte. And this was the only way I knew. Bullying.

Emily was usually just another girl passing by in the hallway. She wasn't popular. Nobody paid much attention to her.

And so she became my first victim. The start was just a small insult. Okay, maybe not. But I wasn't thinking how much it would hurt her. I didn't know how much it would hurt her.

That day, everyone was watching. They didn't know what was going to happen. It was our ten minute break between classes. Charlotte, our other friend, Zoey, and I were walking down the hallway when I spotted Emily. It was a split second decision. A choice that would change everything.

"What's with the long sleeves you wear everyday? Do you cut yourself or something?"

Everyone was staring at me in shock. I had started to get nervous. Had I gone too far? I didn't know.

And then slowly, everyone started to laugh. Emily stood their, frozen. In shock? Probably. Then she started walking along as if nothing had happened. I didn't know if it had worked or not. But everyone was laughing and talking about it for the rest of the day.

Charlotte's sidekick, Miriam Heath, strikes!

One day, Ethan came up to me and, his face showing utter pain and disgust, told me: "I can't believe you would do this. This isn't the Mimi I used to know."

I had no idea what he was talking about. It could be about teasing Emily. But he didn't even know her! I'd never seen the two of them together, and I'd never seen her at his house. I'd only gone to his home once or twice. We usually hung out outside.

I never found out the truth until it happened. I continued the bullying, coming up with creative remarks and comments regularly, until disaster struck. On February 24th, Emily Blackwell was found in her bathroom, passed away. She had attempted at suicide, and succeeded.

I sob.
"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I didn't know, then." More tears slide down my cheek. I feel feverish. My face is scorching.

He reaches out to take my hand in his but I flinch back against the hard leather seat.

"I'm sorry," I repeat. I can feel eyes on me. I try to wipe my eyes, but more tears bust out.

He grabs my hand and pulls me up. I don't know where we're going. Maybe he finally decided to kill me. The weak, stupid, selfish girl who killed his sister.

I feel numb. All I know is, I'm crying my brains out and he's holding me up.

I feel a soft breeze on me. Are we outside?

I look up. We are standing outside the quaint coffee shop, the soft spring breeze blowing through my light brown hair.

"Come on." He pulls me forward and opens the passenger door of a car. His car. It's a small dark blue one. I don't know much about cars. I hesitate but take a seat. Where is he taking me?

He runs to his side and hops in. We are silent for the whole ride. It's a short drive. We arrive at a park and he stops the car. He doesn't make any move to leave the car. Neither do I.
"It's not your fault."

I look at him, wide-eyed. I thought he'd blame me. Because it was my fault! How could it not be?!

"You weren't there, were you? When I started to..." I trail off. When I started to bully her. Where it all started. I don't want to say it. It hurts me to say it. But if he thinks it's not my fault, he doesn't know what actually happened.

"I was. I saw. But I also saw her after..." he doesn't continue. I know what he means. After she died. He saw her body.

"I saw her body. I saw the scars, Mimi." He looks like he's about to break. "She used to cut herself."
I freeze. She used to cut herself.

"What's with the long sleeves you wear everyday? Do you cut yourself or something?"

"Oh my god. I didn't know..." I must've hurt her so much. It was true. What I said was true. She used to cut herself.
"You know I regret everything I did, right? That I'm really sorry? I wish I could get revenge on myself," I babble.

He gives me a sad smile. Eventually we get out and start strolling through the park. I glance at him every once in a while, only to find him deep in his thoughts.

"So... you're not going to kill me?" I squeak. His eyes widen.

"I would never!"

I let out a relieved breath. But he could be lying. Maybe he was surprised I figured out what I was going to do. But frankly, I didn't believe that. The Ethan I knew before was an honest, open, and forgiving person. Not that I expected him to forgive me so easily...

Ethan had always been a soft and sensitive guy. I'd always loved that part of him.

"Why would you think that?" He asks after some time. I don't know how to answer. Why did I think that?

"Um... you know... revenge, maybe?"
To my surprise, he lets out a laugh.
"I might have not forgiven you, but I wouldn't go that far."

I give him a tiny smile. He grins back.