Clemency (DNF)

vii

Ethan and I break apart soon, and I feel as if a wall has been broken down between us. A wall that had been put up in a single day. That day being the day I betrayed him by bullying his own sister. A wall that was still there when Ethan came up to me that day and we became friends again, though not like the old times. We were so close back then. Like siamese twins joined by the hips. We did everything together. We told each other everything. We loved each other more than anything. He was like my twin. Was. I don'g know if we will ever be able to go back to that kind of relationship.

Ethan steps out of the car after shutting off the engine, and I follow his lead. We enter the cemetery, which looks nothing like what I was expecting. I was expecting a dark, creepy place, like a forest, with the sudden screeches of crows and all the fog. You know, like you see in movies. But my imagination must be wild today because this place looked just like a park, minus the giggling kids running around everywhere, the families picnicking out on this fine day, and the birds singing lovely songs. Nope. None of that. Instead the place was packed with neat rows of headstones naming each person that lay beneath the ground. We walked along the marble path until we reached the row she lay in. 

The slab of stone read:

Emily Blackwell

2002 - 2016

Sister and daughter

"There is no death, only a change of worlds."
- Chief Seattle

Ethan faced me. His face was calm. No teads, no sobs, no tensed expressions.  In fact, I could see the tiniest of smiles teasing his lips. Why was he so happy? My question was answered a few minutes later after he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the ground. We settled back against a tree. I looked at him.

"It's relieving to know she's in a better place, without having to worry and be depressed, looking at us from above," he says, craning his head back to look at the sky. He had always believed in life after this one. That good leople would end up in a much better place than this world, because they deserved it.
"Maybe that's what she wanted. To leave this hellhole of a place and just be happy and... free," he continues.
I nod my head. "Maybe," I whisper, not knowing what else to say. I knew Ethan had his deep moments and you should never disturb him or add your own thoughts, because he would get frustrated and put a wall up again.
I knew so much about him and yet I had betrayed. I would never forgive myself for that.

"You know, she left a note. I didn't think she did. But then I found a piece of paper under a book on my nightstand. It said--" his voice breaks and he looks at me, his eyes glistening with tears, although a smile was on full display on his face.

"She wrote it to me. Her last words. To me. I didn't deserve it but still. To me." He breaks his intense stare directed to my face and fumbles in his pocket for something. He thrusts it into my hand.

I look at him questioningly, and he just nods. I read it.

:-:-:

Dear Ethan, aka the best brother anyone could ever have,

I'm not sorry for what I'm about to do. Not at all. I'm sorry for putting you in pain and sorrow, but I'm not sorry for what I am going to do. Ever since a few years back, when I was about thirteen,
I knew I didn't belong. Not the "I don't fit in in this school, oh my gosh, no one likes me" don't belong. But instead, I've always felt I was different. I thought differently, I did things differetly, I felt differently about almost everything. Different from everyone, including you, my twin.

I never thought I actually had a place in this world. I was useless. People didn't understand me. I wasn't a part of anything. What was the point, then? It was useless to bury myslef in studies, become a robot like the rest of the world, do everything for the sole purpose of keeping this species alive. Because that's just what we are here for. And I didn't feel like I was a part of it. You could go on without me. I couldn't live like all of you.

I'm going to stop that rant here. I just want to say this: Stop crying over me. Understand why I did this. Go to school. Do what you want. I do not care if you want to play football because you want Mom and Dad to be proud of you. Stop playing. Go make art. Because that's what you do. It's your soul, Ethan. And if you want me to be happy, go live like you wish. Forget other's opinions.

Please go back to being best friends with Miriam. Please. I can't stand seeing you so sad and sitting around idle. It frustrates me. I know you're mad at her for bullying me. But now she's going to need you more than ever. She's going to think my suicide is her fault. It's not. It's a hundred percent not. I know her reasons for what she did and I'm okay with that. But go back to her. Please. She's your best friend and will always be.

Lastly, don't tell Mom and Dad about this. I wanted you to find it and read it, not Mom and Dad. Also, don't cry a river because you think it's your fault. Imagine me laughing until I cry everytime you think that. Here I'll laugh the first time because I wrote that. Haha.

I love you to the moon and back,

Emily

P.S: Tell them to put this quote on my gravestone if you can:

"There is no death, only a change of worlds."
- Chief Seattle

:-:-:

Sooooo? How was it? Vote and/or, comment if you think this deserves it!

Also, I'm looking for someone who would make covers so if you can and want to, I'll put it up and dedicate a chapter to you!

And should I make my chapters longer...?

Love ya and thanks for reading! x