10,000 Hours

CHAPTER TEN

"Mira.."

I froze when I heard his voice. Napatigil ako sa pagkanta at dahan-dahan akong lumingon. Nakita ko si Johanne na nakatayo 'di kalayuan sa kinaroroonan ko.

Biglang umahon ang galit na nararamdaman ko kanina.

"Why are you here?" tanong ko.

Napailing na lang ako at bumaba sa batong kinalalagyan ko. "Nevermind."

Naglakad na ako pabalik sa kwarto ko nang hawakan niya ang braso ko. I heard him sigh.

"Mira. Let's talk."

I swallowed hard when I heard him said that. Marahas kong binawi ang braso ko at tinignan siya.

"Really Johanne?" I faked a laugh. "Para saan pa? May pag-uusapan pa ba tayo?" I asked him.

"Marami Mira. Alam nating parehas iyan."

His jaw tightened and his eyes looked so much darker.

"No Johanne. Wala na tayong dapat pag-usapan." I said and crossed my arms in front of my chest. "Kung meron man ay matagal ko ng ibinaon iyon and you're years late. Wala na akong balak pakinggan pa kung ano man ang gusto mong sabihin. Save your words. Now, if you'll excuse me."

Hindi pa ako nakaka-limang hakbang ay hinila na ako pabalik ni Johanne.

"Mira. What happened five years ago, it was never my intention to hurt you but never did I regret what I did." he said without breaking our eye contact.

Napatawa ako ng pagak. Uminit ang sulok ng mga mata ko. I bit my cheeks para pigilan ang mga luhang gustong pumatak sa mga mata ko. It shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't be hurting. Tapos na ako sa phase na iyon.

"Then good for you." I said at binawi ang braso ko pero lalo lang diniinan ni Johanne ang pagkakahawak doon.

"Pero Mira, may dahilan ako kung bakit ko ginawa iyon."

Lumamlam ang mga mata nito. His voice sounded....something I can't pinpoint.

"I did that for you Mira. Alam kong nasaktan kita but I was more hurt seeing you cry because of me. I want to hold you but I can't dahil alam kong kapag ginawa ko iyon...'pag ginawa ko iyon I will only ruin you."

Tears esaped from his eyes. Hinatak niya ako at tuluyang niyakap.

"Para akong pinapatay sa bawat iyak mo Mira. I don't want to hurt you but it's the least thing I can do. God knows how much I want to wipe those tears. God knows how much I want you back."

Seeing him like this and hearing those words made my heart ached so bad. Up to this point, I'm still hurting. The pain never stopped so as my love for him but things can never be like the way it used to be.

I pushed him with all my might and slapped his face so hard that my palm went numb.

"Hindi puta ang nanay mo pero putang ina mo Johanne!" gigil kong sabi sa kanya. "You what? You didn't want to hurt me? Then fuck you! Sa tingin mo ba hindi din ako nasaktan dahil sa ginawa mo? You fucking flirted with my bestfriend gago! I was fool to chase you! I was fool to think that maybe...maybe we can still work it out! Ang tanga-tanga ko kasi alam na ng lahat na niloloko mo ako, yet I still convinced myself na hindi mo magagawa sa akin iyon! Sinasampal na ako ng katotohanan Johanne! But I ignored it because of you! Because I trust you! Because I love you!"

Hindi ko na namalayan na umiiyak na pala ako. Tinignan ko sa mata si Johanne and his eyes mirrored mine. We're both hurting.

"Baliktarin man natin ang mundo, manloloko ka pa rin Johanne! Mahal na mahal kita!" my voice broke but the hell I care! "You were my everything! But you chose to break my heart. Para sa akin man o hindi ang ginawa mo, wala ng magbabago sa nangyari na. You cheated with my bestfriend, end of the story. No buts, no because. Kasi kung totoong minahal mo ako, hinding-hindi mo ako lolokohin!"