12 Last Words

The Second Hello, The Fourth Goodbye

 I hated the tears that surround me while I'm sick. But the second worst thing is the confinement. The lack of air, of freedom, of choice. Now August it was warm and bright outside. Perhaps God's way of substituting Fletcher's presence. Not that it helped to much.

 I convinced my mother to take me to the park. I could do my sitting there on a park bench where at least I could breath and people watch. My mom is a wonderful lady. She's by my side whenever I need her and works a rough schedule to pay the medical bills. 

My stomach growled and my mother offered to go to the park vender to get a food leaving me to my bench and entertainment. I feel so awful about being sick. Guilty. I think cancer has caused my mother more trouble than it could ever cause me. 

Sitting watching the cars speed past, the children pedal by, and the strollers roll along I am reminded of Bryant's words, "The world doesn't stop." Mine did and because my world was on halt my mother slowed hers as well. I guess that's love. Putting your own life on the back burner to care for someone else. 

After a few minutes a woman sat on the other side of the bench, which I had now noticed was a bus stop. The woman had large hoop earrings, A see through neon top, a pink bra, and a short tight skirt with fishnets beneath. Her face was caked in makeup and smeared. 

I could guess her profession by her appearance. She caught me scoping out her attire and flashed a smile. "I can already tell you're to serious. So why don't you tell me what has you sitting on a bench in a beanie on this fine august day. " 

I was embarrassed to be caught looking but answered anyway, "I'm enjoying the weather and the beanie is to cover my bald head. I have cancer." I said it so bluntly that she looked shocked but continued in her childish manner.

 "So what were you just thinking? There is no reason you can't share your thoughts with me. I'm a stranger who's about to get a bus out of town to a better life. You look like you have something you need to share and I'm the only one around to listen. "

I looked at her curiously. After thinking about it there was no reason that I couldn't share my fears with her. "I'm such a burden to everyone. To my father's bank account, to my mothers jobs, to the nurse, to the doctors. All to help me feel better. There's a chance that It could all go to waste when I die. So what's the point of living. To go through this hell day after day. Watch my parents suffer when they could already start to heal? I just think it would be better if I was dead. The world doesn't stop."

She laughed. The exact opposite of what I supposed she would do. "Honey,  you have it all wrong. Do you know what my name is?"  I shook my head no. 

"Well that's because I haven't told you, It's Chastity Marriott by the way, but I just proved that even strangers are there to support you. Why would God put you on this earth if he didn't mean for you to be there. Your parents aren't just fighting to kill cancer. Your parents are fighting for time to spend with you, they are fighting for themselves in way, fighting so they don't have to live without you. They want to see you graduate, go to college, get married, have their grandchildren." 

I looked at her dumbfounded she presented the whole event as if it was simple and in a new perspective. "By the way you're looking at me I think that you forgot all of those things are possible. Like as soon as you got the diagnosis you thought you were already dead. Well you're still on earth sitting next to me on a bench in the park. You aren't dead yet sweetheart, so quit acting like it." 

The only thing I felt capable of doing was nodding while my brain whirled. Her speech had woken something in me. A hope that was buried, an idea long forgotten, and most importantly a will to live. By the time I looked up Chastity was  boarding the bus on route 52. She smiled and waved. I raised my hand and whispered a goodbye as the bus pulled away carrying her on to the next chapter.

My mother came back a short while later apologizing for taking so long. I told her it wasn't a problem and thanked her. She took the spot next to me previously occupied by Chastity and countless others. Sitting on the rickety bench with the sun blinding me I found myself. I found a reason to go on.