12 Last Words

The Final Goodbye

Today I'm leaving the hospital. Last night the doctor brought the news to me after waiting on the multitude of test results. No matter how hard it's been or what's ahead in my life I'm glad that it will be over soon. I will never totally be free from it, but I will never control my life that way that it has until now.

The scans, and samples, and biopsies have shown that the inoperable tumor that I have been fighting with chemo was just remaining fluid and broken pieces of the tumor that had previously been removed. While I had fought cancer, everything after the first tumor has been false. The treatment I had been receiving was what was making me sick. The chances of this happening is slim to none. Yet, some how it happened to me. I have been cancer free for almost a year now. That's why being free from the medicine meant to attack cancer has made me feel better. Because it was unnecessary and was what made me feel sick in the first place.

But no matter what I've been through in the past, or what mistakes have been made. I'm still here and I'm ready to move on. I'm getting stronger and I feel better everyday. I'm not in nearly as good of physical shape as I was before cancer but I'm working my way there. Physical therapy has turned into a metaphor for my life. It hurts to do, but it's all to get better. Going home today I am enrolling in online classes. I am bound and determined to make up for the majority of my senior year that I missed.It's going to be hard but after facing what I have in the past year I know I can do it.

It's an entirely different feeling coming home this time. Knowing I have life ahead of me, though still acknowledging the fact that it could be taken away at any moment.  At the door I'm greeted by Anthony and Ava. I'm so excited to see them, I've missed them so much since they have been staying at my grandparents. I pull them into a hug and accepting their paintings that they made for me. After I was settled I called Fletcher and telling him what I learned. We laughed and cried over the phone. It was so joyful to call and share the news. Still on winter break he promised he was getting in the car and driving down to celebrate with me. How different it's going to be than the last visit he made.

***

Waking up in my own bed for the first time in a long time was wonderful. Last night with my parents by my side I trooped up the steps into my room. I was proud and happy at my progress. I looked at the clock and was surprised to see that I had only an hour before Fletch said he would be to my house. I sat up in bed and took the clothes I laid out yesterday and slid them on. I walked slowly to the bathroom and sat myself on my stool.

I looked into the mirror at the face reflected. A bald skinny face stared back at me. But this face was different than the one from the past. This was a bald skinny face with a smile and a spark of liveliness in her eyes. This was a face with hope. I applied minimal make up just enough to accent the light blush that had only recently returned to my cheeks. I called for my mom who helped me tackle the stairs.

She walked me into the kitchen and I sat on a stool along the counter. I was content and happy. My mother pulled out a pamphlet and set it out in front of me. It was college applicant information that I had from junior year from an Indiana university that I wanted to go to, which just so happened to be the one that Fletcher was going to attend. I had been accepted  but due to my lack of school attendance for parts of my junior and senior year I was sure it would be revoked. "I made a call last night. " my mom said smiling, "If you finish your senior classes online and maintain your gpa they will still accept you to start in the next fall term." I squealed a little and hugged my mom. No matter how far off the tracks cancer and treatment had derailed me I was getting back on track.

After watching my mother stir up the pancake batter and fry the bacon the doorbell rang. Immediately I was up out of my seat and walking as fast as my weak body could go. I sung open the door and Fletch stood outside with a bouquet of roses smiling like he was holding a grammy award. He wrapped his arms around me gently and planted kisses all over my forehead before leaning down to kiss me. "Congratulations baby, I told you that you were stronger than I was turns out you beat cancer long before I did." He had a dopey grin on his face. "I love you." I said taking the flowers from his hand and pecking him on the cheek. " I love you to Dell, " was his reply as I took his hand and pulled him into the kitchen.  

He greeted my mom with a smile and a hug and sat down in the stool next to mine. After telling my mom how wonderful breakfast smelled he looked down at the pamphlet in front of me. "What's this Della?"he looked at the pamphlet then back at me. I smirked at him. "Next fall you won't be the only one going to college." After letting it sink in for a minute that sunshine blinding smile I had missed stretched across his face. "You're going to college in Indiana next fall? Dell, that's amazing! Screw this long distance stuff we're going to be down the road from each other!" He pulled me into a hug, giddy like a small child. " I'm so proud of you Della." "I'm so proud of you sunshine." I said pinching his cheeks. He laughed and went along with it. "Well if I'm your sunshine what are you?" I sat and thought about it for a second before answering, "A perfect storm." "That you are Dell, that you are." he said nodding his head. 

So this is me saying my last goodbye. A goodbye to sickness, and lack of hope and a hello to my new life. 

***

Author's Note: One more chapter! Let me know if you want a sequel!