12 Last Words

The Fifth Goodbye

Before my aunt, uncle, and cousin said their goodbyes and left I went to the guest room to talk to Nova. Her suitcase was open on the bed and her clothes scattered across the floor. She picked them up one by one and folded them before placing them in the suitcase. 

Her music was turned up loud and I could hear it through her headphones. I snuck up behind her and unplug the cord to her phone. She whirled around throwing the clothes she had in her hands up in the air. "jeez, you couldn't find a better way to get my attention? You're supposed to be sitting on the couch resting. Sit down." I complied as I was tired from the short trek. "I have something I need you to do, If you'll do it for me."I added. 

She looked at me suspiciously. "Why don't you just ask me straight forward? Do you need me to go get your blanket from upstairs?" I sighed. "This request is a bit different." I pulled a stack of envelopes from a rucksack I had with me. "I need these distributed after I die. Bring them when you come in for my funeral."

 She looked at me with shock, " I couldn't do that, you aren't going to die." "The doctors don't know when I'll die, think of them as a precaution. There aren't very many, one is for you and please don't read it until I'm gone.  Will you take them?" She had tears in her eyes as she pulled them from my hands and buried them beneath her clothes in the suitcase. 

She turned and pulled me into a hug as tears rolled down her face. I knew when I was writing them that this is what I wanted to avoid. For now I would say my goodbyes to people. It's to hard to reassure them and explain things. After I pass they will receive their letter and would accept their closure. 

Writing to them had been hard. What do you say to console your parents and siblings. To persuade them that my passing was just a bump in the road and that they could move on. How do I explain to six year olds what death is? Why their sister is not moving, why she's being put in the ground.

It took a long time. I came out with five letters. One to Fletch,one for Nova, one for Destiny, one for Anthony and Ava,  and one for my parents. 

Fletch,  

You made me happy. That was my favorite thing about you, your happiness. You never gave up, always pushed for success and motivated others along the way. I'm sorry that I wasn't happy enough or didn't try enough. I wanted to live for you. Believe me. You were my sun. When you beat cancer and embraced remission I was motivated to do the same for myself but I couldn't Fletch. I love you and I would do anything to have more time to spend with you. The person who stayed with me in the hardest of times. But I will be healthy here and I promise I will watch over you. I'll be you angel in heaven like you were mine on earth. Never stop enjoying life, never stop being happy and keep fighting. Find what makes you happy. Find a new love, find a career you want for the rest of your life, have your own family. I will be with you 100%. I could write forever to you but I should stop. Let you move on and heal. Don't forget me but don't be afraid to love another. I love you,

                                    Your Della

Nova,

You better hope I'm gone when you read this because if I find out you read this before I'm dead  you are going to die before I do. Anyway thank you for being my support. We may not live near each other  but you were always a phone call away. The last week you came to visit really was a highlight for me. You were my friend when no one else was. I hope you find someone to love as much as I love Fletch. Tell me all about him, I'm up here listening. I hope you get into Stanford like you want. I know you can do it, you're so smart. Don't give up when things get hard, go get your bio-engineering degree and be the best in your class. Don't miss me too much because I'm not really gone. Maybe I will be able to come back and haunt you. 

                      Your favorite cuz, Della

Destiny,

Hey bestfriend. I have so many memories of us and there are so many more we could have made. But I am thankful for all the ones we got to make. I'm sorry I ditched you but apparently God has some need for me. I hope you don't let my death affect you too much.  I hope that you keep going and life sends you tons of good and wonderful things. I'm happy that you have such a strong mom, trust me she won't leave you anytime soon, I can feel it. You can still always talk to me, I'll be here listening. I want to hear all about that hottie behind you in physics. I know you have contact with Fletch, there is no way he comes up with all this romantic stuff on his own. Keep in touch with him. Make sure he is ok, help him move on and he will help you. I can't wait for you to finish trade school and be the first female welder in our town. Keep in mind that you don't need any guys or hotties that sit behind you in physics to be successful. You are an independant woman, a force of nature. I love ya girl

               Della

Anthony and Ava,

I'm very proud of how well you both can read but don't be afraid to have Mom and Dad help you. I'm writing  a letter because I'm not going to be around anymore. I love you both more than all the stuffed animals in our house. (Remember when we counted all 500?) I'm sorry that I couldn't stick around kiddos. I'm going to miss you so much. I'm leaving because God wants me to spend sometime with him in heaven. Remember learning about that in bible school? I have been sick for a long time so God is giving me a break because I'm tired. But I will always be here to listen if you miss me just talk out loud and I will hear you I promise. You two will get to do a lot of awesome things when you grow up. You can do whatever you want to do. Be a teacher, doctor, firefighter, policeman/woman. I know you can. I won't forget you and I hope you won't forget me. Make lots of friends and enjoy school it goes fast and you will miss it. I love you both,

                   Della

Mom and Dad,

I had a short time with you but you both made it great. I have so much to be thankful for. So thank you. For taking care of me, for supporting me, for spoiling me, for loving me, and for dealing with me in general. I'm sorry you drew the card for a terminally ill child. But you still have Anthony and Ava. I hope that you get to do everything on your bucket list, I know us kids get in the way of it a lot. I hope Anthony and Ava understand what happened but can still be the happy kids I know them to be. I'm going to miss you all but I won't be sick anymore in heaven and I am going to be happy. I might no longer be here physically but I will never fully leave. Enjoy life and when it is your time I will be here waiting. I love you both and thank you for giving me such a great childhood. You are amazing parents and strong people. 

Love Della

I hugged Nova and said my goodbye though she insisted that it wouldn't be the last time we saw each other and I left the room.