Falling For Satan

Getting closer and Trying to be tough

Two weeks had gone by and my niece was not getting better but me and Luci were getting closer. I was sleeping in the queen bed next to his when the nightmares came back I woke up screaming and Luci woke up and jumped in bed with me and he just held me as I cried. We sleep in the same bed now. It was peaceful I felt like nothing was wrong when I was in his arms. Yet just like every good thing it came to an end as morning came. Back to the hospital I hated that this was becoming a routine. This should never become a routine but it is. My two oldest brothers the MEN of the family are trying to stay strong but they can't do it forever they're first niece is dying and you can't just tough your way through it. That's my families way of doing things, being tough but you cannot do that all the time even though I do it all the time. So me and Luci were getting closer and my niece was not getting better. More people are giving up hope that "God" was going to fix this. I was too even though I didn't believe to begin with.  My oldest brother Ky likes Luci but doesn't  show it and my 2nd oldest brother Phillip hates him. Phillip says he has such a darkness to him. I think he's just being over protective but who knows. I want to take control of my pain again but I've done so well. Everyone thinks i carry around a pocket knife for protection. But really i carry it around to feel like i have control and if I need to punish myself. It's been 4 years and i can just feel  a relapse coming. Its getting harder everyday is an struggle, to get up, eat, drink, smile, cry and to just live. I don't live if she's not here.