Howl For The Eclipse

Chapter Seven-Right choice?

I walked out of the guest bedroom silently, I been here for about six days. I literally haven't spoken a word since Paul brought me here, Despite that, I saw a new side to Paul that I didn't know he  had. Hes actually really sweet, I will admit it.

I walked over to Paul who was doing something in the kitchen, Luckily he didn't hear me come in.I snuck up to him, And gave him a hug. His body tensed at my touch, But when he realized who it was he relaxed "I am going for a walk" I said, My voice sounded dry and broken from not speaking. If Paul was surprised by me hugging him, He was more surprised by me speaking.

Paul looked at me "Are you sure Mikayla? I don't think thats a very good idea" He said, hugged me tighter. You would be surprised, How much being hugged and held like this helps. Even if you don't feel anything for the person hugging you.

"I am not going to kill myself Paul, If that is what you are worried about" I sighed, I backed away. Feeling guilty that I let him hug me, Knowing nothing will ever happen between us "I will talk to you later"I Said, And walked out of the house. Adjusting my fingerless fishnet gloves.

It wasn't raining, But you could tell it was going to. The sky was dark, The wind was cold. Can you could smell it in the air, Even if you weren't a animal you would be able to tell. And I can tell its going to be a pretty big one tonight.

A small rumble of thunder made me sigh, I actually go out alot at night. Without Paul knowing, I don't need him to be with me every second just because he is afraid I will kill myself. I heard someone behind me, I didn't even need to look back to see who it was "Go away" I mumbled, Trying not to look at him. Because soon as I look at him, Everything would seem like it was okay. I didn't want that.

"Please listen to me" Jacob pleaded, His voice only broke me down more. The hurt in his voice when I wouldn't even look at him, If he only saw the hurt in my eyes that day. HE would of felt how I did and still do, He should feel it.

I stopped in my tracks and shut my eyes tightly to keep from crying again, I didn't want to cry again, Even if it was possible for me to at this point in time "Why should I Jacob? Why should I listen to you?" I asked in a cold voice, And kept my eyes shut.

He was silent for a moment  "Please, Just listen" Jacob said in a hopeful voice, I kept still as I waited for him to continue "I didn't mean to hurt you Mikayla.." He whispered, The tears became harder and harder to hold back with each word he spoke.

I finally got up the courage to turn and face him,I couldn't even look him in the eyes without remember that day only as if it just happened "Then why did you do it?" I asked,  Holding back the tears in my eyes, I could tell my mind was trying to make everything seem okay, But my heart knew better..

Jacob stared at me, He lifted his hand to wipe a tear that broke free. But I slapped his hand away, And hurt spread across his face "It was a moment of weakness " He said,  I shook my head quickly. That was bullshit he and I both knew it.

"Like I believe that" I snapped, And another tear fell from my eye " I was with Paul ever since you kissed her, At my weakest moment. And never did it ONCE cross my mind to do anything with him." I added, My voice was now shaky.

A flash of anger and jealously crossed Jacob's face, And was  gone quickly "Why were you with Paul?" He asked, Still sounding a little angry. I narrowed my eyes at him, Sure turn this on me. What a fucking fabulous thing to do.

I crossed my arms and shook my head at him as the tears now fell freely "Because he has been the only thing thats been keeping me from killing myself" I said in a dead serious voice, He needs to know how much he hurt me, And I don't care if he hurts as a result.

Jacob's eyes grew wide when I said that,As if he was surprised, What did he expect me to do? Be all perfectly normal? Or even happy? Yeah right "Mikayla..." Jacob began in a soft voice "Is there anyway you can forgive me?" He asked, With pleading eyes.

"You actually think I can forgive you after you told her you love her? And kissed her?" I asked shaking my head in disbelief, She seriously must of done something to him if he honestly things that I would forgive him just like that.

"Mikayla, Please" Jacob begged, Hurt was oblivious in his eyes and voice. It almost made me feel bad, But the memories keep reminding me not to give in "I cant live without you... " He whispered, Staring at me. My heart missed a beat, But I shook it off.

"Well then, You should of thought of that before you did what you did." I replied coldly, And turned around  and started to walk away again. A part of me felt stronger, But another part wanted me to go back to him and just hug him and forgive him.

He quickly grabbed my wrist, And spun me to face him. His eyes were broken, And he even had a tear falling as well "Please." Jacob begged, Not letting go of my wrist once "Stay with me, I love you. I cant lose you." He whispered, As more tears fell from his eyes.

"Jacob.." I started, I didn't know which side to listen to "I cant exactly forgive you, But I need to know" I added looking in his eyes seriously " Me or her?" I asked, And let a shaky breath out "Because I wont sit around letting you play games like this" I finished  in a soft voice.

Jacob stared at me, I kept my face serious "She is my best friend Mikayla..." He said, I shook my head slowly.  If this is his way of saying its her, I swear. I don't care who tries and stops me, I will be leaving and not coming back.

"Of course, Its her. I should of known since the day you protected her" I mumbled, yanking my arm away from him furiously. I turned from him,  and shook my head. I let another tear fall before I started to walk again, And of course he stopped me again.

His hands were on my shoulders as he turned me to face him once again, But this time. He kissed me, Which only made it harder to stay mad at him "Its you, It will always be you" Jacob whispered and pulled me closer to him.

"I still don't forgive you though Jacob, Its going to be awhile before I can" I said, Looking up at him. And wiped  a tear from my face, Was I even making the right choice of being with him right now?  Am I even back with him? This is all to confusing even for me.

"I know... I just hope you can one day" Jacob sighed " But,  For now. I just want you to stay here, With me.." He added, Pulling me even closer to him " I really never ever meant to hurt you Mikayla" He whispered once again.