Drarry One-shots

Creep

Genre ; angst? songfic?

Warnings: drinking, self-hate, self-harm thoughts ( vaguely )

Word Count: 1.5k

Author: fxck-drarry (Me)

Summary ; Draco has been drinking and thinking, way too much.

**

The room was dark and cold; full of silence. Draco lay there, his back against the cool velvet seats of the common room sofa, staring up at the pitch black ceiling. His hand loosely curled around the thin neck of an alcohol bottle, now half empty.

Harry. His father. Vo–him.

These thoughts haunted Draco's mind more than he'd care to admit. he wanted to make his father proud... But he wanted to be his own person as well, the decision was tearing him apart at the seams.

I don't want to take the dark mark... I don't want to throw my life away.

Draco thought to himself silently, only hearing his own ragged breath. He knew that if he did not take the dark lord's side that he would be disowned, he was not planning on being disowned.

Thinking about his father made Draco sick to his stomach. Whenever he spoke to Lucius, he always disapproved of what Draco wanted.

After First year, Draco arrived home and was bombarded with questions about Hogwarts and classes. His mother had asked if Draco found anyone enticing... Well there was a boy, Harry Potter.

So logically, not knowing any better, he told his mother and father about this boy. His mother stayed silent as his father began shouting. It wasn't just the fact it was Harry Potter, but the fact he was another male. From that moment on, it was drilled it into poor Draco's young brain that men did not belong with other men, romantically speaking.

Draco wanted Harry, there was no denying it in his current state in the Slytherin common room. He had to deal with that now, but the alcohol helped him cope.

Within the past few years, Draco's obsession grew and he could never shut up about the golden boy. All the Slytherin closest to him were very apparently annoyed, Draco didn't care. But he did care for Harry, quite a bit. The enemy facade was hard to keep up when all the poor boy wanted was to kiss, to touch, to smile with Harry. But Draco knew that he couldn't and would never be able to have him anyways. Because Harry had other love interests, who were female.

He felt like a creep; a fucking weirdo. He spent his days imagining himself with the golden boy instead of a beautiful pureblood bride. It was wrong, he wasn't supposed to feel this way. No one at Hogwarts was gay. He was sure of it.

In this half-drunken state, Draco just felt like an outcast. Having accepted his sexual attraction to Harry, he found that he did not fit in anymore.

A couple days prior, the Slytherin had heard someone singing a muggle song in an empty classroom; the song lyrics spoke to him. So now, when the song came back to him he couldn't help but hum the damned tune. 

Then he cracked; he began chuckling to himself and rolling his head around in circles, stretching his neck. The lyrics of the song came back to him with ease.

'When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye,
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry,
You float like a feather,
In a beautiful world,
I wish I was special,
You're so fucking special.'

The lyrics felt like they were made for him, Harry made him cry. He made him cry a lot. Being gay for a young man you are destined to fight against doesn't come with dry eyes.