Tell me - [Killua X Reader fanfic]

Garat | Part i

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The storm within.

If there was any way to describe what you were feeling, it was with the visuals in front of you.
No, not the boys. But they did add to the chaos within. Killua especially. He was staring at you as he held you to him tightly. The other boys tried to get him to help with the boat but he showed no response. After shouting at him for the third time, Gon was emitting some serious viciousness.
Killua was aware, as he always is, but he didn't show any signs of caring. He had both arms wrapped around you as you leaned into his chest. He was supporting you while you lay down with your upper half sitting up. You weren't in the mental state to be standing in such strong winds, and sitting meant you would take up space for the other guys. So you two occupied one half of the boat.
Not that you noticed how it all worked. Kurapika had told you to assume that position when he stepped on board and Killua had just slipped in as soon as he could.

All you could focus on was the waves beside you. Your arm was hanging over the boat, fingers dipping into the water when the waves flicked up to meet your skin. They were loud and big. Never constant. Never the same pattern. That was how you felt.

Kou's dead.

Kou's dead.

'Kou's dead,' you told the waves.

The waves rose up to encase your hand. It stayed there. Obvious and slowly becoming more inviting. Then it was gone, you could feel the boat dipping as the air met your fingertips.
'Mm,' you shook your head in a way of declining its invination. You couldn't just hop in. Killua's grip on you had tightened, and you wanted to ignore that along with the shouts of the boys behind you.
They must have been offended by your decline. The waves ceased, and everything was as silent as the ocean could be. You glared at the blue. It didn't respond. You shifted to put your hand in the water, hoping for it to come back, so you wouldn't have to think.
Think about how Kou's dead.
'I'll come soon.' You tried desperately, leaning over the edge slightly to put your wrist in too.
The waves began again slowly, coming from the opposite direction this time. They seemed forceful and strong.
'I can't come right now.' Why didn't they understand?
The wave hit your shoulder like a punch, and Killua almost pulled you entirely onto his lap.

"[Name]!" He snapped glaring intensely at you. You winced, feeling disappointed in yourself. Then the intensity slowly slipped away from his being as he looked at you more. He was just concerned.
You looked away, embarrassed and just as disappointed in yourself as he was.
Everything seemed to quieten down. Even the sea was almost hard to hear. You swung you legs over and sat up after Killua indicated you do so.
The boat was pulling into dock.

"Be on alert. They're probably here too, somewhere, since this is the closest island," Kurapika moved to the front of the boat. Gon and Killua stood either side, with Leorio at the back. It was like you were the president or something. However you could tell they knew you were in no condition to fight, and because you didn't have a reason to fight there was no chance.
The group moved as one, although you knew you were the only one who wanted to burst into a mad sprint when you stepped off the boat. That was all you wanted to do.
"Take me home." You said before even thinking about it. All you wanted was familiarity. Everyone froze, turning to look at you. Killua had a look of disbelief.
"Oi. You're kidding me?" And as he spoke you felt a heavy curtain of guilt once again cover you. His eye's were wide and shaking. You knew Killua, and you knew he was biting back exactly what he wanted to say. Instead he just lightly held onto your wrist. But you didn't protest. It had been a dangerous request.
The group moved as one again after a silent exchange of looks. From what you could make out through a small amount of En, and brief glances between the people around you, you were heading into a town. It did not seem modern, as there were sawmill's and mill's around. They were creepy in the mist. This would've been fun on a night like Halloween, or any other night really.