I truly met you at the wrong time my dear, and for that I am eternally sorry
at a time that now I can barely recall without a tightness in my chest
a time that should have never existed
never been conjured up by fate, destiny, or personal mistakes
a time where I compared my mothers skin to a pastel painted canvas to escape from the ugly truth that
no skin bruised deep throbbing purples,
dull sickly yellows, and festering blues brought on with the undeserved blows of foreign objects could be considered beautiful
no woman falling victim to the same brutal cycle day after day could ever be more than pitied
be more than tragic gossip on the lips of those who saw past the desperate attempts at a cover up in the form of toothy smiles, shades in the winter, and too much foundation
but a canvas streaked violently vibrant violets, all compassing saffron, and creamy cerulean could never be less than gorgeous
never not be admired whether up close or from afar
it was through that illusionistic lens that I learned to view the world
learned to view you
you who were my beacon
who made me realize that I was drowning but it was all okay or perhaps too late
because I could see underwater and the bottom of the ocean was so much prettier than up above
and was therefore worth the salt in my lungs and the pressure on my chest when I decided to let go
I took rose colored glasses and focused them on you and I still can't tell if it was one of the best or worst decisions of my life
with every step there was something that made you so pure so good
and some outside force that chipped at my will enough to make you my sanity
but this isn't to blame you for what came next, only to let you know your presence was a heavy influence in my descent to madness
my excuse for every wrong doing that came next
I was faulted in the decision to make you my air
my only reason for living
my only reason to rise and bask in cotton candy skies
my only reason to be painted in moonlight that turned my skin ivory
and I couldn't tell that blur from the moon apart from the tears in my eyes every time you hurt me
you were my first love and more importantly my very best friend
but even that wasn't enough
to keep us from destroying each other
and breaking down
•
- the start of a reflective poem concerning the circumstances of me falling and being in love with my ex girlfriend
YOU ARE READING
Beeswax
Poetrythis is a collection of random poems I wrote that surfaced from random feelings read it. you might like it.
