Silent Boy | Phan

//chapter four//

It wasn't a dream.
Dan Howell held my hand.
I know this because he did it again.
On the bus on the way to school.
For only a minute,
When we had the bus to ourselves.

I've never met anyone like Dan.
Daniel Howell.
Even his name is beautiful.

He still hasn't said a word.
I think that's just how he is.
I don't mind,
But I would love to hear his voice.

"Philip! What's the answer?"
A chilling, cold voice breaks me from my thoughts.
I froze.

"I don't know, miss."
I hung my head, and prepared myself.
For my punishment.

Like it always does at school,
It never came.
I don't understand it.
Why do they not hurt me?

I'm a failure.
I'm useless.
I'm stupid
I should be hurt.
I deserve to be hurt.

That's the way it works.
It's what I've always known.
It's normal,
Isn't it?

I looked up to receive an odd glance.
"It would be in your best best interests to pay more attention, Mr Lester."
I winced.
Mr Lester is what people call Father.

I paid attention for the rest of my history lesson.
After that it was lunch.
Thursdays are the best day.

I have the same lunch period as Dan.

I sat down at a free table.
Not that it would have mattered if the table was crowded.
They would have all moved anyway.

The only one who would stay by me was Louise.
Louise Pentland.
She doesn't have the same lunch period as me anymore.
She only walks home with me.
Sometimes comes inside.

Dan hasn't seen her yet.
She'd like Dan.
Dan would like her, if he was willing to trust her.
I'd have to introduce them sometime.

Dan sat down next to me.
No food on his tray.
We were the same in that sense.

I can't eat at school.
People just laugh at me.
They laugh when I eat.
When I don't.

I try to tone it out.
The whispers.
They whisper about Dan now too.
The boy who never talks.
Sitting with me only makes it worse.

I don't know what I did.
I only talk to Louise.
I've never said anything to them.

The bell rang again.
Dan stands up.
Walks away.

I do the same.
I just have to get through one more lesson.
French.

We are made to come up a sentence about the world.
I want to write about how the world is ugly.
But that'd make the teachers suspicious.
Instead, I write about something I know they're expecting.

La terre est la seule planète où trouver du chocolat, préservons la.

I hand it in.
The bell rings.
I walk out.

Louise is standing outside waiting for me.
"Lou!" I smile for the first time since this morning.
"Phil." She smiles back, and grasps me into a hug.
"We have to go find Dan." I grab her shirtsleeve and begin to walk to down the hall.

As we walk out of school, I tell her about Dan.
She's excited to meet him.
We find Dan standing by the gate.
He shoves his phone into his pocket.

"This is Louise!" I beam, gesturing to her beside me.

Dan gives me a strange look.
He puts his earphones in and walks in front of me.

"I don't know why he did that!"
I said to Louise sadly.
She laughs and shakes her head.
"It's okay, Phil!"

We walk along, chatting about nothing.
When we reach my house she says her goodbyes.
I run to catch up to Dan.

"Why did you treat Louise like that?"
I asked him.
He gave me another weird look before opening the door.
He went inside and that was the last I saw of Dan for the night.