the dead poet's lover

love letter #2

8:13

the ignorance of my own and yours combined can create a catastrophic disaster. i have been avoiding any contact with everyone the past few days, and slowly the crowd is dispersing—you are included as well.

I don't know why I am in pain, for I wanted this. For everyone to leave, to avoid me. But the more you walk farther away from me, the more I feel like death is trying to strangle me with its hands. I am at loss for words. I am afraid to admit aloud that I am selfish for wanting you to stay and suffer these torments with me. Despite all, I am still looking from afar. Guarding you closely with hooded eyes. Even though you're laughing because of someone else, I am painstakingly accepting this in order to come in terms that

you are not mine
you were never mine
you will never be mine.

Sadly, it seems the time of recovery seems longer.

Until then.