five chapters on how you broke me

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by _xange

by _xange

i avert my eyes
from the crowd;
"isn't she that girl?
the one who dreams in the clouds?
the one who never talked,
and hates the idea of love."
i try not to listen
to what they want me to hear--
i'm trying to do better,
i'm trying to do better.
even if my head
starts to fill with fear.

II.

i never believed
in love or life.
they told me i'm too bitter,
why won't i give it a try?
i'm afraid my heart would break,
i'm afraid they'll leave my life at stake.

III.

i smile at you,
happiness erupting in my chest.
this must be the love they told me--
making me feel intoxicated,
addicted to the feeling of you,
and your warmth
i yearn to feel and touch.
they tried to warn me
"he'll leave you in pieces,
your heart ripped out of your chest.
with your tears flooding the earth,
and you see yourself as a heaping mess."
maybe i should've listened,
but i only rolled my eyes.
you wouldn't hurt
the one you loved,
right?

IV.

it's 4 am
and i felt myself losing sanity
with the mere thoughts of you.
"I'm sorry," you said
"but this has to end."
i chase after you,
desperate to hold your hands.
i can fix this,
i can.
i wanted to shout
that i loved you
more than the sun loved the skies.
that i would do anything
just to call you mine.
but i'm in my bed
and it's been two months.
you're with a new girl,
while i'm crying for my loss.

i avert my eyes
from the crowd.
i hear them whisper,
"isn't she that girl?
the one who once dreamt
in the clouds?
but got dragged down by a boy,
with the idea of love."

(m.m)