the dead poet's lover

day 011; masks

my mind drifts off to the thought of you.
about this boy, this incredible boy who always seem to fascinate me--the way he laughs at the smallest and stupidest things, the way his eyes squint whenever he smiles. and i don't mean those smiles that you show everyday--it's the smile that you make when you see the love of your life in front of you, it's the smile you make when you see your family and think, "hey, i did it. i actually did." that kind of smile that could brighten up anybody's day,

and i guess you made mine brighter than ever before. i guess i loved how your smile made my problems go away, even the smallest ones, and make me smile with you.

but how come when I see you, much less think of you,

I always have tears in my eyes,

and a smile on my mouth?

and it's not the smile you have when you see your family, or when you passed your maths, or when you witness the success you did within your life.

It's the smile that says, "I'm in pain. I am in so much pain--too much pain. But I love you, and I can't bear looking at you seeing me like this, or anybody for that matter. So, I'll smile and act like I'm fine. because I am. I will be. I'm fine,

I'm fine."