I Should Have Stayed

Chapter 16

***
"Dakota. Answer the question. Why in the hell would you try to get rid of me? I'm funding you. I'm the one that helped you get this far. At first you didn't want to do it, but now you do?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. It squeaked as I moved and it dug into my back. "I don't care if you're funding me or not, Miller. It's my gang now. Yes, you put me in charge of it, but I'll take over from here."

He scowled at me and I simply rolled my eyes at him. "Listen to me. I hired you. Do you understand that? You work for me." He put emphasis on each and every word.

"Not anymore."

"What was that?" He said. I saw an emotion cross his eyes that I'd never seen before. The emotion didn't quite fit his face and left me feeling a little scared.

"I don't work for you anymore, Miller. I'm done with the bullshit. I own the gang and you're going to leave me alone. Hell, don't even come looking for me." I stood up and went to leave him in the room.

"No." I turned to face him. His eyes looked at me with a hatred I'd never seen before. "I won't let you walk out that door."

"Watch me." I walked over and went to open the door. As soon as I touched the handle he lunged at me and hit me in the temple with his gun. I saw stars for a moment and everything grew blurry.

I heard him whisper, "Every time I try this, it doesn't work."

What doesn't work, Miller? What doesn't...

***

I sat up in bed and started shaking wildly. I grabbed at my temple and felt a scar there that had formed long ago. It throbbed sharply and made me feel ill when I remembered the dream... no. The memory.

I laid back down again and started to remember why I had laid down in the first place. Lindsey was killed 1 long week ago. I've been wallowing in despair in my room ever since. The police never connected the murder in the room next to us so at least there was some good news. But now, I had no mission. Except to fulfill Miller's wishes and to kill Blank. Other than that I was worthless. I felt worthless.

My alarm went off a minute later and I groaned knowing what today would bring. I got up and took the longest shower in history and then got dressed. I put on some clothes that I had gotten specifically for this day. This dreaded day.

I skipped breakfast no longer hungry and took the Jaguar to the funeral home. I waited outside until my parents along with everyone else had arrived. I thought that I glimpsed a wave of brown hair, but I didn't know anymore. Maybe I was seeing things.

The sad music played from the violins and cellos in the corner and the room was only lit by candlelight around the casket. As I approached, the group slowly moved out of my way. I went straight to her face and stared at her beautiful sleeping form. No time could ever destroy her beauty.

The funeral went on until everyone said goodbye to a girl they'd never known and then we went outside to bury her and to say a few words. The sun was bright even under the willow trees. It didn't seem fitting for the moment and almost made my mood worse. My mom and dad said a few words and then motioned for me to say something. So I did.

I thought back to what she said the day she died.

Promise me that you'll keep going. That you'll stay alive.

"I promise." I said. That was all. My mom gave me a weird look before motioning for the men to lower the casket into the ground. I watched as they did and when she reached the bottom I threw a red rose and watched it land lightly on the top. It stayed there for a second before a mysterious breeze pushed it off and made it disappear underneath.

As I backed away I saw the wave of brown again, but this time it was in front of me on the other side of the grave. I looked up and saw Ava standing there. Her eyes were intently on me. They looked devastated and she looked like she hadn't slept in days. I backed up some more and said a silent goodbye before turning around and leaving for good.

As I walked away I knew that Ava was following me. I walked about a quarter of a mile through the cemetery before quickly darting behind a willow tree and then coming back around again. I watched Ava slowly peek around the corner I had come and then I attacked.

My hands automatically found their way around her throat and I steadily held her against the tree. "Dakota?" She said with a scared look in her eyes.

"Stop following me." I spit out and then let go. I turned around and disappeared behind another willow tree and this time I knew she didn't follow. I walked for almost an hour before I realized that I was getting really hungry and decided to go home. When I did, I walked silently through the living room trying not to disturb my dad and made my way to the kitchen where my mom was.

She stood there with tears in her eyes and the Shanghai letter in her hands. She stared at the seal with the buck and then looked up to find me watching her carefully. "I don't know you anymore." She caught me off guard.

"Wh- what?" I said. She shook her head.

"You're not my little girl anymore. You're... someone else. Your father told me everything. You're not the same. You're so different-" She started crying again and this time it didn't seem if she would stop.

"I'm sorry." I said and quickly ran up stairs. I grabbed all of my things and stuffed them into a backpack. I also grabbed the two briefcases and my hoodie and put it on. I debated on whether to bring the lighter and cigarettes and then decided that I'd need them. Especially now.

I quickly grabbed everything and darted back down the stairs. My mom stood there in the hallway and my dad simply watched from the couch. "I'm sorry ma, dad. I love you." And then like I had never arrived, I disappeared into the evening sun. I didn't know where to go at that point so I thought for a second before swinging my backpack over both shoulders. I suddenly knew where I would be accepted, and so my feet carried me in the direction of her house despite my mind's screaming. I almost had no idea what had just occurred, but somewhere deep in my heart it didn't feel right to stay. To put them in that horrid position having to look at their broken daughter every day. I couldn't put them through that.

I knocked lightly on the door and waited. Less than a minute later Ava opened the door and gave me a look that said it all. I quickly explained to her what had occurred and she let me inside. She led me to the guest bedroom and I put all my stuff down. Then I found my hoodie and put it on, and then went back outside.

My fingers put a cigarette to my lips and I lit it. Slowly, I drew the smoke into my lungs and my thoughts ceased to race. The smoke trailed off into the air and swirled and twisted sharply. It surrounded me and enveloped me quietly. And that was when only one thought could cross my mind.

I never should have left. I should have stayed.