Dear Belle

"Home"

Summer

Noah

It was pouring outside.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, against my window. Coldness seeped in from the wooden floors and filled every available space. It was dark outside but because of the rain and miserable weather, the sky was more of a deep grey than black, as it normally would be. You could still see everything clearly though, the neon signs illuminated everything and cast a sharp glow everywhere. The moon was lost in amongst it all and I tossed and turned in my bed. My sheets were as tangled as my thoughts, and although it was whatever forsaken hour of the early morning, sleep was not due anytime soon.

I sighed and looked around my apartment, the place I loosely referred to as “home”. The walls were a light grey and the light coming in from my window cast dancing shadows across the walls. It was all one big room really. Up one end of the room was the kitchen which had my fridge, a sink, stove, cupboards, washing machine (thank heavens because I hate doing the dishes), and of course most importantly was the kettle. There was a long bench that separated the kitchen from the space in front of it known as the lounge room. The lounge room was roughly the middle of the long room, and consisted of a second hand, slightly worn, bright mango orange sofa that was a few feet in front of the bench. I called it the great pumpkin. Ingenious name I know, I actually had Belle to thank for it, she always loved giving things odd nicknames although I never really knew why, it was just another one of her quirks I suppose. The corners of my lips twitched upwards into a tired smile as I thought about it. There was nothing much else in the lounge room apart from a small tv that sat in the corner, opposite the sofa. I didn’t watch much of it, apart from old re-runs of friends or That 70’s Show.

As you walked from the halfway point – or the lounge room – you passed the wooden door that welcomed you in and the second door a little bit further down on your right was the bathroom. It had the necessary bathroom essentials but apart from that it was boring. Bathrooms are boring anyway.

Finally you reach what was known as the bedroom.

A.k.a. A massive mattress on the floor with plain white sheets and doona, mass piles of clothes here and there, a massive window to the right of my bed that took up almost a whole section of the wall, and my cd player. All in all it was pretty much a bare rectangle that had scattered pieces of furniture littered throughout. It reminded me of those wooden doll houses that little girls played with, from a bird’s eye view. Small insignificant pieces that moved to and fro depending on what dramatic tale was unfolding that day. The only décor that gave you a clue as to who lived here was the numerous charcoal drawings that were aimlessly blu tacked to the walls here there and everywhere, just like the photos I had taken from back home.

And maps. There were several maps hanging in the space above my bed, with pins pressed into the places I’d visited. There had been a slow build-up of pins placed on the map since I’d moved to the city as I’d travelled more, and damn was it an amazing feeling.

Hardly anyone had seen my drawings or photos, they were like parts of me, and I wasn’t willing to share them with just anyone. The only people who had seen my drawings or photographs were mum, my best friends Teddy and Ash, and Ash’s girlfriend Dakota, Del, Ellie, Indiana and Belle. That was our group.

And even then I was a bit reluctant to show them.

Apart from Belle that is. I don’t know why.

I just feel like myself when I’m with her. Sure it was similar with the boys, I mean they were my best friends and we were all pretty close with the others, what with Del owning her café and all, that was usually where we congregated and hung out but still. I guess growing up with Belle, we just had an understanding, we just knew each other.

Gosh, I missed her.

Her laugh, her smile, her…

Her.

I turned over in my bed and smushed my face into my pillow and sighed.

Enough, my mind told me,She doesn’t miss you like you miss her you git.

But she said- I started.

You’re in the city and she’s back in the country, WHERE YOU LEFT HER, the voice in my head spat.

Why did I leave her there? Out of everyone she’s the one I miss the most. Our adventures, the nights we stargazed and laughed and just when we laughed in general. The beach we called home.

Home.

That’s where home is, with Belle.

What the hell am I doing here?