How to be a bitch?

HOW TO: Spot a fake Bitch

It's been years since i updated. Kidding. Hindi ko na to papahabain. For this blog am going to write 'How to spot a fake Bitch'.

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Leggo!

 Bitches aren't exactly known for our warm and friendly dispositions and our aversion to talking shit.  Hindi mo na kailangan makipag laro sa mga kaibigan niya and ask 21 questions para malaman mo kung gusto ka ba niya o hindi. 

  Dealing with fake bitches is a huge waste of time.  So, gumawa ako ng kaunting list to help you before she sucks out your energy and your soul and "forgets" to give you your bat mitzvah present for the past 13 years.

1. She says things like "Omg I haven't seen you in forever!!!!" Pero alam mong nakikipag kita lang siya sa mga kaibigang nakasanayan niya and you know this because she's always tagging them in statuses and shit. Bitch, we both know why we haven't seen each other in forever; it's because at least one of us doesn't want to. Quit acting like it's a puzzle from the DaVinci code.

2. She'll say "I'd love to get dinner, but I'm sooo broke!!" Kahit alam mong patuloy parin siya sa kanyang instas fancy brunch pics. She is not broke. Ray Charles could see that. Obv she just dgaf about hanging out with you and doesn't care if you know it.

3. She never uses less than two exclamation points for anything, even company emails. Maging maingat. Walang sinuman ang dapat na masigasig tungkol sa lahat ng bagay.

4. She's always "like, sooo busy." Ipapalam ko sa inyo ang isang secretong pinaka malupet: Kahit gaano ang isang tao ka busy kung importante ka sa kanila hahanap sila ng rason makita ka lang but not only is this girl fake, but she's also dumb if she thinks you're buying that excuse.

5. When anyone meets her, the first thing they'll say about her is, "She's so sweet!" Bitch, this is a clever mind fuck perpetrated by fake bitches everywhere and the Illuminati.It's a long-form mind game. When you think someone's sweet you're more likely to trust them and thus less likely to believe other people's warnings. It's a trap! So when someone says, "Oh, Sandy? Yeah, she's so sweet!" TAKBO. The only sweet thing in a betch's life should be froyo anyway. 

  Sure, every bitch is guilty of some/all of these things every once in a while, but if you're sitting there like, "Omg, pretending I miss people I don't give a shit about is actually my hobby, whoa the betches totally nailed it!" then we suggest you get another hobby, like perhaps a course in Keeping it Real 101.  

THIS IS HOW TO: Spot a fake Bitch. Thank you for reading. I'M OUT!