October 21st, 2016,
They don't know how I'm ready to give up. They don't know how I feel and they never will. You don't know how I feel because the way I feel upsets you.
Well fuck it. You gotta learn that I have depression. You hate that I always feel like I wanna die. Well I have suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I can't tell anyone already. And I already keep it in because nobody cares and nobody even cares enough to hear it. So I'm sorry if I actually open up and you don't like what you hear. But isn't opening up what you always wanted me to do? Guess you couldn't handle that after all.
I feel like I'm crumbling within myself. My depression has gotten so much worse and nobody sees it.
I wake up and fight with my mind for over an hour to get up. I force myself to sleep and away from the pills I have in my end table just waiting to be abused. I force myself away from the crushed pills in my book shelf because I can't handle life. I hid my fucking razors because I think about slicing my wrists open and letting myself bleed out.
Nobody fucking knows.
Nobody see the truth going on with me.
Either that or they refuse to.
Still. I miss her. The girl I used to be before my broken heart was put fire upon.
I have this heart ripped up in my room.. And I tape it back together little peice by peice when i feel like you're fixing the damage you've done. Sounds stupid but it's kinda my coping mechanism.
Alright uh...
Forever Broken,
Maddison Grace Venoy
