Jan 13th, 2017 10:15 AM
I realized as I wrote this for an essay in my English class that I never really got this story out. So here's exactly what I wrote in the essay.
December 27th
Me and Jack had made it official that day. We started dating and before I knew it everything started changing before my eyes, and I didn't even see it.
It started off slow, like relationships should. We would be shy and nervous, well I was at least, when someone would ask us to kiss we would shy away. One step at a time. It took weeks before I would kiss him in front of anybody, and when I did I got comfortable showing my love for him, it was us against the world.
We would be so playful, play fighting, hanging out all the time, cuddling, playing video games together, which was my favorite part at the time I would always beat him he just plain sucked at COD BO2 Zombies, we would watch movie together, go to the park together. My all time favorite memory is when I was really depressed out in the backyard of his house and I was calling myself fat and stuff, and he just walked over to me and picked me up like it was something he had done one hundred times before.
After a while I changed, saw myself as pretty, I was happy. Guess that was too blinding of everything that was bound to happen someday.
Months later we started growing apart, arguing, not talking on the the phone as much, not texting as much, and when we did text he would always take forever to reply, not communicating as well as we were after a while. Distancing ourselves. I started not coming around as much. I didn't understand what was going on. We would barely start an argument one night and I would cry myself to sleep. Now this? Who would've known our story would end so tragically.
It was Keyaras birthday and I had brought my step sister with me. Everyone was drinking, except me and my step sister. We were too busy having an anxiety attack at all the people there then to worry about some alcohol in some stupid cup. Me and Jack sat out in the garage, he had already had two beers, while I sat staring at him sober. He was irritated and wouldn't talk to me (now looking back I understand, sort of anyways) I was so lost and confused. I didn't understand what was happening between us. There was so much happening between us.
The next day at school (Ask Miss Nyland No PDA she would always say, yes I just rhymed, no I did not mean to but it's awesome anyways) he was quite distant, I tried giving him a kiss on the way out but he turned his head, I thought nothing of it at the time so I gave him a kiss on the cheek. Later that night, me, my mom, and my step dad were out at a dinner, I was on my phone, we argued and fought like I never thought we could, but we did. The last message he sent to me was were thru. Can you believe it? He couldn't spell to save his life. Anywho I looked at my mom and she said "What's wrong?" I asked her for the keys to the car. I grabbed them out of her hand and literally ran out of the dinner and sat in the back of the car and just cried. She came out and sat with me in the back of the car while I cried. I was crying so hard on the way home and she just sat in the back with me while my step dad drove us home. When we got home I just collapsed in the back yard, energy drained. I smoked a full pack of cigarettes and just sat there staring at the beautiful sunset, seeing it as disgusting, seeing myself as disgusting. What could be so wrong with me? To leave me? I was once perfect in his eyes, what happened? To this day I'll never really know. I know one thing though that's for sure, and it's that I needed to look out for me, except I didn't really look after me.
I went to school for a week and nobody noticed, I was drinking the whole time, never a day sober. I was destroying myself, becoming like my father, an alcoholic. He message me after a while saying I had cheated on him. I was distraught when he said that. That's not who I am, I don't cheat. I can barely cheat on a test, let alone a person. Anyways, It wasn't until the day I started bleeding randomly, I hadn't had my cycle for months, and was always too wasted to realize what was going on. It lasted maybe a few hours, his family and myself were the only ones who knew. I was too scared to tell my mom or ask her what was going on. So that had happened, that was also the day I got my life together.
I hung the towel with Keyara, no longer being able to stand the memories that lingered at her house. Started losing weight, got back to school the next school year round, or at least tried to, started opening back up to my mom slowly after I had pushed her away again, got a great job, I no longer drink, I refuse to let myself with risking sinking that low again, I'm starting to get closer to my family again. I have a boyfriend, well kind of. I'm more open to new things. I have to admit my walls are still up, I don't want to risk getting hurt so bad again, so those will probably be up for a long time.
Things are good surprisingly, at the time I thought I would never break out of the trance I was in. Anyways things are good, I'm happy, kind of.
That about wraps it up for my not so little personal narrative. Please don't take pity, and don't look at me differently, I'm the way I am now because of this little story, and I wouldn't be here without this story that's slowly becoming just another memory. Thank you for reading.
~MV
