Golden wings

Chapter 40 - Apart

This had seemed easier in his head...

Alexis panted and let himself lean against a tree trunk, short of breath.

"J-just a few more hours. C-come on."

That's what he kept telling himself. He had to.

He had not thought much when he had left the manor. He had been angry, hurt and too upset to think about his condition.

The angel closed his eyes for a moment and tugged his cape around him. It had been much more easy and fast to travel with his wings. It could not be compared to this. He had been able to take short leaps, jump over every obstacle, glide down small ledges... He had been fast. And now, he had to walk, climb, try to not stumble, get small breaks to not break down...

It was a fucking mess. How the hell did humans stand this?

He hated this, he really did. But he had no other choice. He would never go back to that manor or to Uriel. No way.

Alexis took another shaky deep breath, and then forced himself to keep going. He was heading towards his old nest, his former hideout. It did not bring him good memories, but it was the only place he could go to. He was not planning on venturing any further or away, because last time he did, he lost two limbs. Though, there was another reason for him to go to that clearing; even if he was angry and furious with Uriel, he did not want to be so far from him. There, it would hurt him, but it would not drive him insane. He hoped...

He just couldn't stay with him, not anymore. His nest would do. It would be enough, for everything. He would hide in the dense forest, far from humans. He would be far from everything. He would have water, food and shelter. He would have everything need to have a simple life, a life he did not want. It could last for a few months or years, until another beast tried to tear him to pieces.

It took him another day to reach that clearing. He was not as fast as Uriel; he did not have the determination of the hunter he had known. Now, he was just...

What was he...?

He cried and clenched his teeth. He was unable to feel like an angel anymore. And he did not feel human either. He would have died a long time ago if he wasn't an angel; yet he felt lifeless anyway, fragile as a human.

He felt kind of envious... If he was human, he could end his isolation and loneliness. If he were a demon, he could be strong enough to be alone. Yet here he was. Doomed to be a hermit, knowing he could not approach either race. Both would bring his end eventually.

He kept walking, lost in his own depressive thoughts. He was not conscious about the fact that he was nearing his objective. After some hours, he blinked tiredly, and then stared at the familiar clearing, hidden behind bushes and tall trees. The vegetation had grown a lot in his absence; he had to push away some branches to step forward and into his forgotten home.

"..."

Could he feel proud of having reached it?

He did not know what to feel. He was certainly not impressed by what he was seeing. The cave was humid, abandoned. There was no trace of his garden, it was all mud. The furniture he had made was only a bunch of rotten wood, scattered. He really did wonder if he should have bothered to reach this.

He shook his head and snarled. He could feel a headache... So he tried to focus on the good side of all this. He had a nice waterfall. One which he could not climb.

He advanced towards the cave, with conflicted thoughts.

He just had to hang on.

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Her icy eyes were open, and full of tiredness. Her body was lying motionless on her bed. She had been there for hours, but she had not rested.

Why couldn't she sleep?

No matter how many infusions Godric gave her, no matter how many times she listened to Cecilia's rambles, she just couldn't close her eyes at night. And if she did manage... she always woke up with tears in her eyes.

Why?

Everything was alright. She had nothing to worry about. She had helped a lot of people in the village. She had healed a lot of wounds.

Why did she feel empty?

She had only brought... help. She... She helped, she did...

Her eyes closed. She succumbed to her exhaustion. Her mind did not think of a fallen angel or a lonely demon. She did not remember that amber color, or those violet glints.

There was only red in the night. Two bloody eyes were watching her without emotion, too prideful to change of verdict.

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"...I'm sorry."

No words would be answered.

He had only wanted his wellbeing. He only had wanted to heal the wounds he had inflicted. In the end, he just made them deeper; he brought more pain and misery. He was a true devil after all. He had only focused on his views, he couldn't see past his fucking claws. He should only lie here and rot.

He would never dare to approach his angel again. And that pained him, more than anything. Not for the selfish thought of easing his own pain; not at all, he did not want to stop feeling that horrible spell in his heart. He only suffered for what he knew. He knew what could roam. Any beast could easily see what he was. There was no need of wings, any demon could know, without seeing them.

His violet eyes glinted in the shadows. His gaze was lost and scared. He had stayed in his dark chamber, unable to do anything since he left him.

He knew. He knew well that he should not be at his side. Because he was one of the monsters he had to fear. But he... He did not want to dare to abandon him to his luck. He was his angel after all.