Shadowfire

Chapter 18

"So they're gone? There's really nothing you can do?"
"I'm afraid not, you're lucky that you were close to coming online anyway or else your systems themselves could've been damaged" he shuddered "if they acted one sequence earlier then your ability to retain any memories would've been irreparably compromised"
"So they would've glitched me, permanently?"
"Yes, it was by Primus' own luck that your memory retention abilities weren't destroyed"
"But they are damaged right? I'm forgetting things, I can't even remember how Sam and I met" some things I knew happened, but couldn't remember how, like my father's promotion, and other things it seemed never happened at all, like meeting Sam, though I knew logically it must've.
"Mr Stoker's class in year one" Lennox supplied "you two bonded over refusing to sleep in nap time, inseparable ever since"

I sighed, I didn't know how to feel about Sam, yes he did a terrible thing but he was only trying to help me, in his misguided way. Mikaela should've known better, should've been the voice of reason, but I couldn't find it in myself to blame them, I was too emotionally drained for it. There was a persistent ache somewhere inside my chest plate that wouldn't allow me to forget my sire's demise.

I left the medbay, wandering aimlessly and ending up in front of Ironhide's berth. I didn't know why I came here and was about to leave when he  appeared.
"Hey Shadowfire, what are you doing here? Not that I mind"
"I don't know, just wanted to forget everything for a little while" he nodded
"Wanna go blow some stuff up?" He offered, piquing my interest. I smiled despite myself.
"What do you have in mind?" He grinned.

Which was how I found myself outside the base in my alt form, racing Hide to an empty field to experiment. We arrived, it was a tie, tires churning up a cloud of dust as we skidded to a halt, transforming.
"So what's the plan 'Hide?"
"I'm meant to be testing a canon upgrade for long range projectiles" I must've given him a strange look because he chortled.
"I'm the weapons specialist, it's sort of my job you know Shad" oh right, of course it was, I'd just never seen him do anything more than flash his shiny guns around before though, and had taken to thinking he didn't do his job properly, my mistake.

He raised his left canon, which was bulkier than usual, and I could definitely tell it'd been adapted. On the bright side though the missile did create quite a satisfying boom as it detonated.
"It's too bulky" I told him "can you even access your normal canon on that side?"
"I know" he huffed "and I can't"
"Have you tried having the modification retractable?"
"Wouldn't work"
"What about having alternating long distance and normal projectiles?" I offered
"What happens if you want to shoot something close but the distance cartridge is loaded? Or the other way round?" He was right of course, but I wasn't out of ideas yet. He'd probably already tried everything though. Another idea came to me and I actually stopped to think about the logistics of it before opening my mouth.
"What about having it mounted on the side?"
"That'll bulk it up even more, look whatever you can think of I've already tried" he snapped. I bit off my retort, why did you invite me then?, and ignored his protests.
"Have it mounted on the side but retractable, only extend it and activate it when you need to, and this way you can use both canons at once" he opened his mouth to dismiss the idea but stalled.
"It'd be slower activating" he muttered "but that could be balanced out by having it accessible separately. It'd still be bulkier than before, but that's countered by being able to access both canons" before turning to face me.
"You know, I think that might actually work"

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"Why didn't you bring him back?" I asked, voice thick with emotion.
"I told you, it was impossible" Optimus looked at me with narrowed optics "why does this bother you so much? Megatron lived a life of evil, redeeming himself only at the end, he died a hero's death" I didn't say anything more, turning away in case my optics betrayed how much it actually did matter to me.

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"For what it's worth I'm sorry about your sire" I nodded, Jazz was the only one who knew what was wrong with me, that my obvious pain wasn't just residue from my injuries.
"Thanks" I said dully "can you cover for me for a bit? I need to go talk to Screamer"
"Of course"

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I met up with Starscream in an empty field. He wrapped his arms around me as soon as he saw me, holding me tightly. I didn't draw away, it was comforting, for both me and him.
"What's happened with the Decepticons?" I asked, avoiding the topic of my sire by mutual agreement "have you taken command?" He shook his helm.
"No- I just- I can't. I was never meant to lead and especially... Not like this" he took a shuddering breath "you could" I laughed
"Imagine the 'Bots reactions to that" I laughed, then drew serious again "But Screamer it has to be you, they need a leader, you can't just leave them to their own devices, they'll destroy this planet, and themselves!" I snapped
"Then you do it! I just can't Shadow, he was my best friend" and just like that my anger dissolved, my optics heating as they began to leak fluid, echoing the wound in my spark.