Negligent ∞ Jikook

셋 ∞ Requite

[Requite = make appropriate return for a favor, service, or wrongdoing]

— Jungkook's POV —

*huff* *puff*huff*puff*

I felt my body endlessly heaving up and down and a familiar scent of cherry blossoms filling my nose. The scent was then assisted with something fluffy and ticklish . . .hair? I slowly opened my eyes and realized it was Jimin hyung piggy-backing me. I slowly began to blush and weakly told him to put me down. Jimin flinched a little from the unexpected voice but he refused.

"Jungkook, we'll need to talk later in our room. Please. . ."

"Okay . . ." I weakly said.

The inky darkness engulfs the frail light, diminishing all happiness and bliss that had risen with the sun. Now only silence lingers in the air. I shivered in the claustrophobic windy night and wait for Jimin to put me down, but a small sigh of anxiety leaps out of my mouth as to what Jimin would like to talk to me about. Tersely, my eyes flicker to the buildings that just minutes ago had been a hum of excitement and exhilaration.

— • —

"Jungkook, we're here . ." Jimin said as he put me down while unlocking the door with his keys. I slowly nodded and quietly followed him inside. It seemed that everyone was already asleep which was a good thing. The moment I tried to go upstairs to our room, my dizziness came back to me, making me trip onto one of the steps of the stairway.

"Omo!" Jimin yelped and quickly grabbed me before I hit my ugly face onto the stairs.

"Jungkook, I think you still need to be carried. Come on. ."

He swung me up in his arms as if I was nothing more than a ragdoll. My head rolled back between my shoulder blades as he staggered up the stairs with my weight. His comforting hand held my back, delaying my legs from collapsing under me. My knees did not reach the floor before he had lifted me into his arms, carrying me to our room. We then finally arrived at our room and he carefully settled me on my bed.

"Jungkook . . .tell me. Honestly." Jimin said as he sat beside me.

"Is there something wrong?"

'Yes. Definitely. It's you that's causing it, Jimin. But I'm still the main victim of all this shit that we had been going through so why do you care?!'

"No. There's nothing wrong. Honest," I told him with a smile.
For me, truths are a fiction so I would bury my truths in a fiction.

"Then why did you collapse almost everyday?" Jimin replied with a tone of concern and disbelief. I nearly argued with him but I was able to control my tone and told him that it was just from practicing all day for that trainee'a task. He still gave me a skeptical look but soon gave up. God, he is so stubborn when it comes to my lies . . .

— • —

Moving without pain, without aches, was just one thing I used to take for granted. Today my muscles feel as though they have been flash-burned with acid from the inside—just sufficient to make them move like the living cells have been replaced by aging rubber bands, thick and twisted. I decided to get up from my bed, holding on to it for support. My body felt as if I had been bruised in every corner. My legs felt shaky and could not support my body yet my head was the only thing that was feeling heavy.

I placed my hands on the wall and arched my back as the pain was rushing through my body like an igniting fire. My eyes squeezed closed as my face contorted. Never had I ever experienced such pain in my life. I could feel my head spinning ultimately and suddenly fell onto the floor—my jaw clenched as I grabbed a fistful of my hair, pulling on it as it helped to ease the pain.

Slowly, the pain was fading away my hand released my brown locks trembling with fear. Sweat trickled down my face my breathing slowly went back to it normal rhythm. As soon as I stood up from the ground, Jimin came bursting into the room with concerned eyes like the usual.

"Are you okay? I heard a loud thud when I was downstairs." I nodded to signal that I was okay and he forced me to join with the others for breakfast.

. . .yuck.

"Jungkook, why aren't you eating? Does it taste bad?" Jin asked. I quickly shook my head and just told him I wasn't too hungry.

I cut the hamburger into quarters, taking a moment to select the smallest one. I made the other pieces slide into the garbage bin secretly after breakfast. Then I would take the knife once more and carefully cut the quarter into four more pieces. Again I select the smallest one, the other three discarded. Already the saliva is pooling in my mouth, how I used to love these burgers. Taking my breakfast in my hand, I placed it on my tongue, letting it sit there, meditating on the flavour. My swallow reflex comes before I was ready, breaking the spell of my pleasure. My eyes fell to the plate, nothing but a few crumbs and ketchup smears. Ketchup means sugar. Sugar means fat. Fat. I felt my heat rate increase, my breathing becoming faster yet more shallow.

A minute later I was in the car park jogging around the perimeter, convinced that only by running ten laps can I undo the damage of my "gluttony". My desire to be svelte became stronger it already became like a drug addiction for me. No one can stop it because I was the one who caused all this . . .

. . .It had always been my fault and it will forever be.

— • —

— Jimin's POV —

I looked at the wall-length mirror in my bedroom and my face crumpled. I was so skinny my knees only touched each other when I forced them to. I wasn't supermodel curvy thin. I was just skin and bone. My bones jutted out each and every way. My hands looked like an old woman's, skinny and bony and my cheekbones looked like they'd been dug out with spades. I looked like an oversized ginger root! I wish I could go to the hospital, I needed one right now. I always convinced myself how attractive I looked but . . .I'm not attractive! I'm a horrific monster! I began to cry again. What the hell happened to me?

"Hyung . .? Why are you crying?" I looked to my left and realized Jungkook was back from his daily run.

Long, slender fingers pressed into the reflective glass, caressing the outline of sharp shoulders, thin forearms and the beautiful waves of the torso. Pale, flawless skin wrapped so perfect around the frame of his body, darkening in the areas of prominent shadows. Cheeks sunk in with the promise of high expectations and beauty as well as a slender face of maturity.

"Hyung? Are you okay . .?"

'No, I am not. You hurt my pride with your pulchritudinous figure. It still hurts up till now, Jungkook! Do you not know how much I've wanted to have a figure as svelte as yours?! You caused all my problems and it's all your fault!!'

"Y-ya. I just caught something in my eyes." I stuttered as I gently rubbed my eyes and tears away with my palms.

"Okay . ." He mumbled and slowly grabbed his toiletries for him to shower in the bathroom.

Even though I feel insecure around Jungkook, I couldn't help but worry about him. He had changed ever since 'the incident'. I realized he had gotten thinner, thinner than me and he doesn't really like eating that much anymore. He even doesn't request any lamb skewers like he usually does to Yoongi hyung!
I really wanted to convince him to tell me the truth. . .
To tell him that there was nothing wrong with telling his problems . . .
But I couldn't . . .
Why?