Ugly : clifford a.u

Spencer (same part)

Idk why some of you can't read the update so here it is again. If you still can't read it message me and I'll message it to you if you'd like. Xx

The world is an ugly place. Upon first glance it's fine enough, like a last resort invite to a school dance; however, upon closer inspection human beings are just bugs and the world around us a mud puddle crawling with bacteria.

I was in my room, staring dejectedly down at a mountain of homework when Luke appeared seemingly out of nowhere and sat down on the floor across from me.

"You okay?" I questioned, unsure myself if I was referring to the week old, fading bruises which shadowed his face or the fact that he'd broken up with Calum the night before.

Unable to meet my eyes he shrugged.

"You didn't have to do it." I said carefully, "you could have made it work."

"He's moving to live with family in Florida, it's better if he can have a fresh start."

I wanted to offer some words of poetic wisdom but none came to mind.

"There will be someone else." I finally offered lamely.

Luke winces, "I don't want anyone spence. I don't want anyone at all."

Leaning back against my bed he closed his eyes, "Does this ever go away?"

"What?" I asked.

"Hating yourself when you know you shouldn't, when it's not your fault. When you know you can't change something about yourself, that it's part of you but you still feel..."

"...Like it's your fault?" I finished for him.

He nodded.

I sighed, "I don't know."

"Will I get used to it?"

"I don't know that either Luke. I'm sorry."

Again he nodded.

"It has to." I said suddenly feeling that the look of dispair on his face was in part my fault, "There are lots of people that hate something about themselves."

"Teenagers." Luke laughed, "You never hear about adults with eating disorders, or grown men that bully or old ladies killing them selves."

"I'm sure there are some."

"But you admit you don't know any?"

I squirmed, "yeah."

"Yeah," Luke huffed rising to his feet, "That's because they're all dead."