undertow.

Chapter Five - silhouette

Chapter Five

Clary didn't go see her mom's grave the next day, nor the four days that followed that – when the flashback had hit her with such force that night in the shower it was Luke who had found her some 4 hours later, unconscious, bloody gash just below her hairline. It was Luke who'd forced her to stay in bed, denoting that rest was the best thing she could be doing right now as resting lead the way to recovery and recovery was what they both needed more than anything else. Clary had wanted to disagree, wanted to argue, kick up a fuss and be angry at him, but try as she might the energy involved in hating Luke was lost in her catch up of 3 days' missed shut eye.

By the time She made it down to the cemetery again the weather had turned bleak, it's grey clouds opened for hours at a time sending water plummeting down on the city below – the coat she wore was no match for this weather thrashing and by the time she reached the gates she was wet through and smelling not unlike a soaked dog. Cowering beneath the dark shapes of the creaking trees – the snow turned to black slush at her feet, rain destroying any trace it had ever been there, with just little of the white sprinkling a few tombstones at the back of the cemetery where the high city wall had protected them from the harsh weather.

Her legs automatically found her mom's plot and Clary pulled fresh flowers, beautiful pink daisies, from the inside of her coat and arranged them neatly at it's base. Curling up cross legged in front of the headstone Clary recounted everything that had happened the last couple of days as she did day in day out in that exact spot; talking animatedly with the air – with the angel next to her staring unblinkingly ahead, listening..

~

"I'm tired of waking up in tears..

'cause I can't put to bed these phobias and fears.

I'm new to this grief I can't explain..

but I'm no stranger to the heartache and the pain."

~

"I love Luke..." She whispered as if her mom were standing next to her, "... and I'm so glad that I still have him, now that I've lost you..." Clary paused, glancing up at the angel's face momentarily, "But I've never felt more alone..." the ground became very interesting as she picked at the wet blades of grass and tried to hide the fact that she was crying. Weakness was never Clary's strong point, and yet weakness was all she showed lately; and the unfailing helpless appearance about her had driven all her "friends" away in matter of weeks after the accident. Her best friend had become herself and she spent more and more time alone or in the company of the graves that she sat between now.

~

"The fire that I began is burning me alive...

I'm a silhouette...

Asking every now and then...

Is it over yet? Will I ever feel again?"

~

The sky rumbled high above her, a white crack of light danced across the heavy rain clouds, the water drops getting thicker and thicker as another thunder growl peeled out closer this time. The hiss, then a loud sprint of lightning creased the skyline and Clary felt her limbs shake as the ground below her gave way to the sound. Quickly gathering her belongings; a quick kiss to her mom's headstone a small whisper; "I love you.." she pulled herself to her feet just as another thunder grumble hacked the heavens to pieces above her. Under the protection of the trees she took a step in the direction of the cemetery gates inches from the towering statue of the angel.

"CRRRAAAAACCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK..!"

The lightning bolt had hit directly above her, Clary didn't have time to realise what was happening before that almighty sound was joined by another... the sound of splintering wood. Hands flew up to protect her face and when the heavy branch peeled away from the tree's body it's downward decent was aiming directly for Clary's head. With not enough time to step out of the way, She tucked her whole body into a crouch, head dipped down, arms covering herself as best as they could and waited for the imminent pain she was sure would hit the back of her neck.

But when there was a thud and no pain followed, Clary gingerly unwrapped herself and hazarded a glance upwards... there, elevated above her was the statue, the stone angel; his face cracked, the wooden debris balancing between his wings still semi attached to the tree itself. Heart in her mouth Clary got to her feet, swallowing audibly as she surveyed the scene in front of her. His wings were still intact; their intricate feathers still carved in amazing detail. The fissure on his features stretched from his right eyebrow diagonally ending just above the join of his left upper lip. Clary bent down under his arm to stand directly in front of him. She noted his hair, the way it curved back sitting neatly against his shoulders. It didn't look like any statue she'd seen before – it's beauty was unprecedented, fresh and almost familiar. Reaching up, looking into those frozen eyes, her hand faltering inches away from it's cold surface as if unsure she should touch it just in case it came alive. She internally scolded herself – Statues didn't just come alive... They were made of stone; hard, solid stone – no way someone could be living under that.

When her hand pressed against his cheek she gasped; withdrawing it suddenly – the "cold" statue that stood before her in the lashing rain, was anything but cold. It's stone like texture had glowed under her touch, almost burning her palm – Clary, a look of bafflement on her face reached out to touch it again, this time only her fingers stroked the warm white stone, tracing the grove that had snapped it's nose in two narrowly missing it's eyes. She justified that the warmth was in fact a trick of her hand that had frozen in the storm as she'd talked at her mother's grave, he wasn't actually warm under her touch he was normal temperature and she was cold enough to assume he was hot under her touch. Glancing down now at his hands turned up towards the sky as if asking for forgiveness – she delicately placed in it her own, holding onto the fingers with her down... Her inner self felt bad for the poor thing, it would now remain disfigured for being in the right place at the right time... for catching the branch that could have so easily squashed her. As she pulled her hand away her pinkie caught the sharp broken edge of his thumb and for the seconds time in less than a week she bled deep red onto it's unstained white stonework; Clary flinched, pulling her hand up to her mouth as she staunched the sting and flow with her mouth.

Her eyes found it's face again, her pale skinned, bedraggled self dwarfed in it's magnificence - "Thank you..." she uttered then smiled to herself when she realised how silly it was her saying thank you to an inanimate object. Grabbing her belongings she ducked out under the statue's arm and made her way to the cemetery gates; her mind stuck on the near miss she had just had – how in the last two months she'd had two near misses, two very horrible things happen that she had just walked away from, it wasn't a coincidence was it? Clary had found herself so deep in thought that when she left and crossed the road to begin her journey home, her distracted mind didn't see the truck that thundered towards her, it's frantic driver blaring the horn, pumping the air brake that did nothing in the pouring rain but mean he started to skid... and the direction he was skidding barrelled it's path straight into her.

Everything happened in slow motion... Even Clary's scream that had shattered the air was slowed down to the nth degree...

"I'm going to die..." was Clary's last thought before everything went black...

(Lyric Credit: "Silhouettes" by Owl City)