Shots || Multifandom

Insecurities {Behzerkaa}

Ethan's P.O.V

I was currently over at the sidemen house recording a few videos. I stood in Josh's room looking at myself in his full length mirror while all the boys were downstairs. I wondering what was wrong with me. I wondered why everyone hates me and then I realised its cause I'm a fat fuck (no he's not). We just finished recording a 'reading hate comments' video and I've never hated myself more that I do right now.

I slowly took of my shirt to inspect my flaws. I looked in the mirror again and tears filled my eyes as I saw my own reflection. The comments played back in my mind 'Why is Ethan so fat?' 'Ethan doesn't deserve to be in the sidemen' 'Ethan doesn't deserve his subs' Ethan this and Ethan that. Most of the hate way aimed at me because of my laugh and weight. I hate how I can't be as skinny and Vik or Harry, how I'm not strong like JJ, how I'm not tall like Simon or that I'm not masculine or good looking like Josh or how I'm not as kind as Tobi. I hate how people don't support me for my sexuality. Every video there's always a comment calling me either 'fat' or 'queer' or 'loser'. I hate how this world is so cruel.

I looked at my wrists only to see old and new cuts. Old from years back and new from last night. I slowly looked back at the mirror as I let the tears run down my face. I looked at all the fat on my body and started sobbing. I dropped my head and faced the ground I looked back up to look at myself. I saw how worthless and pathetic I looked in this moment but the thing that caught my attention was Josh standing behind me. Crying with me.

I turned around to see pain held in his eyes. He looked at me with so much pain and love. I broke then and there. I felt Josh's strong arms wrap around my waist. I felt him pull me into his chest and I heard him whisper to let it out. I took that and started sobbing. I felt Josh slowly walk backwards until he pushed me onto his bed. I lay down and snuggled into him when he lay down next to me. I felt him slowly stroke my back up and down, whispering sweet nothings into my ear. Trying to calm me down as best as he could. He didn't question me or say anything and I'm grateful for that. He just held me tighter and no words were needed. I knew he would be there for me and always will be.

This is the Josh a fell for. Kind, loving, caring, and gorgeous inside and out.
And knowing he loved me for me made me feel 100% better. Right now this is what I needed. No words, just comfort.
The last thing I heard before falling asleep in Josh's arms was a soft whisper of 'I love you Ethan' and I finally allowed darkness to overcome me with a smile on my face, for the first time I was happy with being me.

THE END

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Word count: 610

OK IM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN AGES. ITS A SHOCKER THAT IM STILL ALIVE BUT SERIOUSLY THIS MADE ME CRY SO MUCH. I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED.

Ok the only reason I wrote this is because I feel like Ethan in this. I don't like myself and I've been going through a hard time recently.

BUT THANK YOU FOR READING AND PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT ANY REQUESTS YOU WANT.

-ED