Anything For Rachel

Calvin.

How can this be happening?

I knew this was going to be difficult, but standing in front of the council like this, standing in front of her, the reason I continue to live more or less, professing love for another is shattering what little heart I have left.

Carolyn raised her hand and told the council that I was telling the truth about my secret affair with Lexton, and Rachel's swollen eyes only produce more salty tears, tainting the room with the smell of her sadness. I know that it isn't true. I never had a relationship with Lexton that passed friendship, even after Rachel was gone, but I can only hope that Rachel believed me when I told her the truth all those years ago. The way she continued to cry only put fear in me that maybe she didn't.

Marco called her to the podium and she stood fluidly even though I could see her apparent discomfort. I held back my sigh as I watched her walk with grace to the front of the room, the lovely blue of her dress making her skin look even more beautiful. As she moved her scent was wafted around us all, and I looked around at everyone, silently threatening anyone who would even dare to notice her blood.

My eyes caught Octavia's and she gave me a pointed look, probably knowing what I was thinking. Octavia is always very attuned to me, always there to keep me in check when I am thinking too emotionally and not using my senses. She tilted her head and I turned my head back to Rachel, even though it pained me beyond explanation to see her upset without being able to hold her in my arms until the pain passed.

"Why would you leave the safety of level six?" Quincy asked her.

She pulled her brows together and her heart beat a little faster. "I was looking for him." She said, her voice low and lacking any emotion. She looked up at the room of vampires here to judge her for a crime she didn't commit and she spoke with ease through her fear. She told them her story, leaving out a huge chunk. "I would have never left." She said strongly, pointedly at me even though she was looking elsewhere.

That couldn't be true. It couldn't. She would have been unhappy. She would have hated it here, being trapped, just like my mother had.

"And how did you feel?" Marco asked her without caring that she was already clearly on the edge of what she could handle. I wanted to reach out and pull his heart from his chest for making her relive something that hurt her. Something that was sure to hurt me too.

She shook her head and giant tears sailed down her cheeks, crashing loudly against the wood of the podium, then rolling off and hitting the floor. I needed to go to her, hold her, but I heard Octavia tapping her heel on the floor, pulling me back to the present situation. I can't show any emotion here.

"How did I feel?" She cried. "I felt worthless."

Baby, no, please.

"I felt like I wasn't good enough."

No, it wasn't you. You were too good for me.

"I felt like I had been betrayed by the person I loved more than anything in the world."

Rachel, please, you have to understand. I lied to you to keep you with me, and I know that was selfish and I should have come clean so much sooner, but I couldn't bear to lose you. Not then. I needed to be with you. I needed to have you as my wife, even if it was for a short time. I'm so sorry I lied to you.

She cried, her eyes so red and her face covered in little red splotches, flawing her usually flawless skin. She shocked me by turning to face me, her eyes locking onto mine and refusing to let me go until she was done with me. "I loved you." She said. "I gave you everything and you threw me away."