Anything For Rachel

Chapter Thirty.

            I rushed into the bathroom, ignoring when Octavia called to me, and I slammed the door behind me. I was so angry and hurt at the same time that I couldn't process anything else. I hadn't even been able to really listen to what Calvin had been saying because my heart was aching so badly from watching him lying there suffering.

I leaned back against the door and sunk down onto the floor in front of it, crying with my face in my hands. I was trying to be quiet about it because even though I was pissed at Calvin, I didn't want him to hear me crying in another room. Not in the shape he's in. I haven't even seen Calvin smile in a week now, and that should be written as an unbreakable law. Calvin's smile should be plastered everywhere, not hidden away as he slowly starves. I've tried my best to not be too close to him because I know that Cromley and Octavia have both warned me multiple times that even though he seems to be immobile, the smell of my blood just being in the same room with him at this point is probably driving him insane.

I wish I could just make everything better for Calvin, and it only makes it worse that I know that I could be making it better, but Calvin still refuses to do that with me.

I jumped when the door shook with a knock. "Who is it?" I asked through a sniffle and I quickly wiped off my face as I pushed myself to my feet and fanned my eyes to try to make the tears stop.

"Me." Logan's raspy voice said softly and I turned the knob to let him come in with me. I sat down on the edge of the tub and looked up at him with wet eyes. "He's right." He finally said after a minute.

I shook my head and dropped my face back down into my hands. "Logan," I groaned. "I don't need to hear it from you too." I huffed.

Logan leaned back on the counter behind him and shrugged his shoulders. "You ought to know I wouldn't be agreeing with that guy if it weren't true." He told me seriously, looking at the wall behind me. "Why do you want him to do it so bad?"

I pursed my lips, trying to figure how to put it so that he'd be on my side, but the reasons all sounded slightly shallow. "I don't know." I lied. I've wanted to share a blood bond with Calvin since the moment I found out that he had done it before. I was jealous, sure, but shouldn't this be something I'm allowed too? I know that Calvin loves me and that only makes it harder to wrap my head around why he won't give me the thing that he's given to someone else. "I want to make him better." I added because it was true too.

Logan looked uncomfortable having the conversation, the way he wouldn't make eye contact and he kept running his hand over the scruff that had grown onto his chin. "Look, Rach, from what he's saying, he sounds like he's really worried that doing it could be an issue between the two of you." He said awkwardly. "I know it sucks, but think about it." He told me. "He's choosing to starve and be in pain over feeding with you. Don't you think that means that he feels pretty damn strongly about it?"

"I feel strongly about it too, Logan!" I snapped.

"But yet you can't even tell me why." He reminded me. "Don't do something stupid, Rach." He said finally looking at me evenly. "Octavia says if he were to feed directly right now from you he'd probably kill you, so that's not even an option." He shrugged. "We all have another person to think of."

I glared up at him. "Don't use my child as an excuse to try to talk me out of this." I warned him.

He straightened his back and held up a hand. "I would never, but come on." He said. "Rose needs us all to be ok through this, and you doing something dumb to try to force the man who is begging you to leave it alone isn't going to help anyone." He pointed out. "Did you even listen to what he said?" He asked me, his voice lowering. "God," He shook his head and smacked his hands on the counter. "It still burns a little to see it, but that guy would do anything for you, Rach. It's like you're his only reason to be."