Afraid Of Losing Myself

Afraid Of Losing Myself- Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I walked out of my room and decided to walk to the gym considering it was really close to my house. I loved going to the gym or self-defence lessons, it helps me to get my anger, sadness and frustration out. I hate staying home because if I did I would think and remember about my dad and the nightmares of the car. I took a shaky breath and pushed away my thoughts, I took in my surroundings looking at the gym in front of me.

It was a really good gym with all of the equipment and everything. I went to the treadmills that were situated on the left side of the gym. I put my earphones and ranked through my IPOD and played the song ‘It will rain’ by Bruno Mars. Starting off with a light jog then changing it into a full on run. Pushing my legs harder with every step, I could feel the pain pulse through my chest, as I tried gasping for breath. I was running for an hour so far.

I pushed the volume on my IPOD to full as I ran faster, pushing my legs harder as I did. I slowed down the treadmill as my sight was getting dizzy and my hands began to feel numb. I sat on the floor beside the treadmill laying down trying to calm my breaths.

“Wow are you alright I was just walking in like an hour ago and you were already running when I walked in” someone said making me turn my head to see who it was. The person that was in front of me was a boy probably around my age, he had blonde hair and brown eyes. He looked extremely handsome his face scrunched up in concern. He held his hand for me to take but I didn’t take it, I just stood up. His friendly smile still plastered on his face as he looked at me.

 “You okay, I mean you look like you wanted to collapse” he asked as his eyes told me clearly that he was worried.  I smiled and said I was fine. I went to the right were the boxing bags were situated, it was near the treadmills so I could tell the guy was staring at me. I put on my boxing gloves and started to punch and kick the bag. I used the snap-kicks, flying kicks, knee kicks, the straight punch, the side punch and others. I just kept on punching until my arms started to ach.

The guy from earlier was now in front of me, making me nearly kick him in his face. His eyes worried looking at me in surprise probably from the anger in my eyes. “Hey you shouldn’t do that” He said his hands going to my arms causing me to flinch. He rubbed his hands on my arms and then he went to his bag that was next to the treadmill taking something out.

 It was a bottle of water, he handed it to me making me feel a little surprised. “Uh I’m fine, I don’t need water” I said. He nodded and sighed. “So my name is Damon, what’s yours?” He said to me turning and put the bottle back in his bag. “Rosie” I replied when he turned back to me. “Rosie huh? That’s a nice name” he continued making heat flood to my face as I tried to push it back.

I said thanks and was about to walk off when he caught hold of my hand. My breathing racing, my heart pumping and I was pretty sure my hands were shaking.  I didn’t really feel fear but I didn’t know what I was really feeling at the time. Usually I would have this sense of fear flood in me but I didn’t. I released my hand, grabbed my bag and ran out of the gym, my heart still racing.

Breathing heavily when I arrived to my house I controlled my breathing to make sure I was breathing normally before I went into the house.  I felt a little guilty about me leaving him like that and I bet I looked like a real loony.  I ran to my room closing the door behind me, locking it. I jumped onto my bed bringing the teddy bear my dad bought me when I was six, as I cried into it. I am such a moron I ran off because someone touched my hand I thought in my mind. I’m so stupid. Weak. I don’t even know why I am even crying. I just really miss my dad.

“I wish you were here dad, I’m so sorry” I whispered. Taking more deep breaths in and out thinking about how my dad would have wanted me to smile and laugh. Thinking about the happy memories or about those small arguments that only lasted for a few hours at most. Hearing my bedroom door creak open caused me turn my head around to see who it was that opened it. It was my mum, her hair in a loose bun as her eyes shone with concern.