ashes, ashes ✓

10

"I'm in love with Faith Madison," he blurts on the night of the dance. He's not there of course—well actually, he is, but not technically anymore—and Julia blinks at him.

They're seated on the bleachers overlooking the sports field, and it's cold. He doesn't really mind it, but Julia had been shivering in her strapless, just-above-the-knee, silver dress, and so he'd offered her his suit jacket.

And then confessed something he'd sworn to keep hidden forever.

She doesn't laugh at him like he thought she might, not even a small giggle. "Oh," she says, "I see."

She's also dropped the whole 'third person' pretense recently, so that's different.

Julia studies the skirt of her dress and pulls his jacket closer around her frame. He waits for her to say something else, and she eventually does.

"She's dating Tony. They're star-crossed lovers, or that's the rumour around the school anyway."

Yes, that.

He sighs and leans back. "Yeah, I know. Believe me, I know. And I just want her to be happy, honestly, and she is. I just didn't expect it to hurt so damn much. I've been in love with her since I was twelve, and I fucking hate it because I sound so... I'm an idiot."

Julia reaches over and takes his hand. Her nails are painted a light blue, probably courtesy of Lucy. "No," she shakes her head. "No. You're not an idiot, Jayden. Contrary to popular belief, you don't always get to pick and choose who you fall in love with. Maybe you don't ever get to do that, I don't know. But you're not an idiot. You love her, and you have for a long time, and that's okay. I know it hurts—it feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest and stomped on, over and over again. It feels like the world is ending, and it kind of is, but it's just a new chapter now. Things will be better, I promise."

He stares at her. The way the moonlight illuminates her hair, all curled up and pinned in an elegant style, the way his suit jacket covers most of her pretty dress but not her legs, it's different. Her eyes are soft, like a prayer and her smile is small and sweet and hurting at the same time.

"You promise," he repeats, not as a question, but more of a murmur.

She looks him in the eye. "I know a thing or two about unreciprocated love, after all."

As they continue staring at each other, it strikes him.

He doesn't know how he hasn't ever noticed it before or how he is noticing it now, despite her not admitting anything.

He recognises the look in her blue, blue eyes as the one he sees everyday in his eyes when he looks into the mirror and thinks about Faith. It is love and heartbreak intermingled together and it takes his breathe away.

Jayden slides his free hand forward and cups her cheek. Her eyes are wider than he's ever seen them, and he knows why. He brushes his thumb over where the green paint smear had once been, and leans forward.

"Don't tell Mark," his voice is barely a whisper of breath against her lips. His brother may not be dating Julia but—

Never, she promises against his kiss.

And as they lean together under the starless sky in the bleachers, the only thing that strikes his mind will be the fact that her kiss tastes like ashes.