Academy One Shots

Gabe's Spider Scare

"This is the house? Jim said he lived in a trailer."

"Normally he does, but apparently they're having a sleepover. Martha said he would be here."

"Well he'd better. I've been waiting all year long to pull this prank."

"Way to exaggerate Wilbur, you haven't even been alive for a year."

"Dammit Larry, you always lord it over me that you're a month older. At least I could finish eating my mother in one sitting. Brian told me that you had to wait a day to eat the last leg."

Larry rolled his eight eyes. "Can we start already? It's getting late so they're probably going to watch a movie soon."

Wilbur shrugged. Well, as much as a spider can shrug. He straightened his legs then bent them again, making it appear as if he was shrugging. Spider body language is odd. "If you insist. Do you even know which one is Gabriel?"

"He's the one with the bleached hair. He also has pierced ears, so you know what that means."

The two spiders grinned at each other. Larry winked, then Wilbur winked back, then Larry winked a different eye, then Wilbur winked a different eye, and so on until all eight eyes had winked. It was actually quite a chilling sight, and the poor ant who wanted to ask for directions snuck away when she saw their spastic eye movements.

"We're going to become earrings!" Wilbur exclaimed. It was a simple plan, but those were the best kind. The two spiders would sneak into the house, locate Gabriel, climb up him without being noticed, and perch on his ears and pretend to be earrings. When someone inevitably spotted them, they would drop off and escape into the shadows.

As they waited for someone to open the door or a window, the two spiders did what teenage spiders did best- talk about girls. "You know, Billy said that a girl lives here," Larry said.

Wilbur groaned. "Humans, really? Sure, they may be fun to prank but they're way too ugly to actually become friends with. Besides, whenever you do the mating ritual they freak out and try to kill you."

Voices filtered out from the house, distracting the two spiders from their impending argument. "At least have some celery," a deep, masculine voice said.

"Popcorn is a perfectly acceptable snack for a movie, North," a sweeter voice argued.

"Shit, they're starting the movie without us," Larry exclaimed. Spiders actually curse a lot more than humans, because to them those are the words people say the most often. 'Shit, a spider!', 'Fuck, kill it!', and 'Gosh darn it there's a fucking spider' are all some of the most commonly heard phrases.

Wilbur began to panic. The movie was starting and no one had opened up the door! How would they ever get into the house. Oh wait, they were spiders- spiders don't need a door, or an invitation. He grabbed one of Larry's legs and tugged him through the space under the door into the house.

The delectable scent of popcorn permeated the house. Larry took in the various trophies and other human paraphernalia sitting around with awe. "I never take the time to just be a tourist and look around," he remarked. Wilbur nodded his agreement. He had always been fascinated with humans, but he could never spend as much time studying them as he wanted to because once he was spotted they always charged after him.

The two spiders followed the distinctive sounds of zombies groaning to the living room, where ten people sat around in front of a glowing screen. Four of them were seated on the floor, but none of them had bleached hair. Of course Gabriel would be one of the ones sitting on the couch. "I shouldn't have had that second fly. I'm way too full to climb up the seat," Wilbur complained.

"Suck it up. You were the one bragging about how you ate your mother in one sitting just a few minutes ago," Larry snapped.

They climbed up the back of the couch and walked along the top of the cushions. "If only they were watching a spy movie. The soundtrack would have been much more appropriate," Wilbur said. Together they carefully examined each human for the promised bleached hair. Just as they were starting to lose hope, they found him- and sitting on his left was a girl.

"I call left ear!" Larry yelled. Wilbur shook his head in resignation. When did his friend turn into such a pervert?

"Just don't give away our position too early. Remember the Spider Code- Stealth, Stamina, and Friendliness," he said.

They split ways. Wilbur took his time crossing the shoulder before slowly making his way up the neck. Gabriel shivered, but didn't suspect anything. He was perched on the earlobe in a matter of minutes.

Larry, after he was done ogling the girl, jumped right onto the other ear. Gabriel sat up ramrod straight.

"Scared already?" someone teased him.

"No, I'm not fucking scared," Gabriel snapped, "I thought I felt something."

"It's a zombie! He's going to eat your brains!" the person continued. The girl curled up into Gabriel's side.

"Stop it Nathan! This movie is scary enough without me worrying about a zombie creeping up behind me," she said.

They settled back to watching their movie. Gabriel still shifted a little from time to time, but he eventually he settled down. As more and more time passed without anyone noticing the spiders, they became absorbed in the movie. "No Jenna, how could you not know he was a zombie?" Wilbur sobbed when the movie ended.

Lights flickered on. The humans were sleepy, and planned to go to bed. Then, someone laughed.

"I like your new earrings Gabriel," they said. Wilbur braced himself for impact. Larry braced himself to jump.

Gabriel slowly brought his hands up to his ears. His finger nudged Wilbur.

Shit happened.

"Fucking hell, get it off of me!" Gabriel screeched. He leapt up off the couch, writhing around the room as he tried to fling off the spiders clinging to his ears. Wilbur, in accordance with the plan, jumped off and navigated the tangle of legs to the wall.

Larry jumped, but his target was slightly different. He landed on the girl's collarbone, stayed just long enough for her to notice, then slid down her arm to the floor. He joined Wilbur next to the wall, where they could watch the chaos.

"It's on me!" the girl screeched.

"I don't see anything," someone remarked.

"Quit looking at Sang Baby's chest!" the same guy from earlier growled. It took a lot of swatting, yelling, and panicking before the humans determined that the spiders were finally gone.

Larry and Wilbur snuck out of the house, chuckling at the fun they had. "We should make this a tradition," Larry said.

"Yeah! We'll get Jimmy to tell us whenever they're having a sleepover, and we can come and have some fun," Wilbur agreed.

A brilliant idea struck Larry. "Next time we should hide in his snack!" he exclaimed.

Wilbur grinned. "Do you know what, I think Gabriel would like that a lot."