MonstaX

Part 6

You sat at a coffee shop as you watched the rain fall outside, your stomach was turning and all these thoughts were running through your head. Changkyun was supposed to be here almost an hour ago and he still hadn't shown up, maybe he was showing you how he felt all those days that you never answered him. You could feel your heart starting to break, if this was truly how it was going to end, your biggest regret was realizing everything after you had messed it all up.
You traced your thumb along the sides of the red coffee mug you had cupped in your hands. 'He's not coming' you thought to yourself and finally decided to leave before the storm got worse. You stood up and reached for your jacket that was hanging over the back of your chair and slid it on and fixed the collar.
You grabbed your umbrella from the table and stepped out from around your chair and you bumped into someone. You looked up to apologize and met Changkyun's eyes.
"I'm sorry," Changkyun said between breathes.
His hair and clothes were soaked from the rain and he was panting like he had been running for a long time.
"Changkyun I didn't," you started.
"I left the radio station we were on to get here, there was a traffic jam and I just jumped out of the taxi and ran the rest of the way here." Changkyun explained as he pushed his wet hair back out of his eyes.
"You could've called, we could've just waited to talk later after the show," you explained feeling awful that he had ran all the way here.
"No, this couldn't wait," Changkyun said as he sat down in the chair next to yours.
You followed and sat back down in your seat, you weren't sure where to start so you kept your eyes down.
"Changkyun,..."
"I know about everything," Changkyun interrupted and you felt your heart drop. "I know that I shouldn't have been like this, I know that I shouldn't have gotten as mad at you as I did but, there is a reason why I was so angry and yelled at you."
You were confused, you thought Changkyun knew about what you had done but he seemed to more so talking about how he knew he had made the wrong decisions on how he acted.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that," Changkyun said and you looked up to see Changkyun hanging his head as he apologized.
"Changkyun," you started.
"Let me explain first before you say anything," Changkyun interrupted.
You waited, Changkyun stared down at his hands and then his eyes met yours. When you looked into his eyes you could see his pain that was in them. He looked so tired and you could see that he wasn't eating well by the way his face wasn't as rounded out as it was before.
"I was hurt really bad in the past," Changkyun started as he pulled off his jacket, you could tell he was really uneasy about opening up to you.
"Changkyun you don't..."
"No, I do, I need to open up, if there's one thing I regret more than anything, it's not opening up to the people I should've." Changkyun interrupted.
You nodded your head and put your elbow on the table resting your chin in the palm of your hand as you watched Changkyun.
Changkyun sighed and stared again, "I was in love once before, with everything I had in my body I knew I loved her. We dated secretly for awhile, while I was a trainee, well, it eventually got to the point where, she wanted to tell people. I knew I couldn't at least, not till after I debuted. I told her once I got into a group and was on my way to debuting that I wouldn't hide it anymore.
'Then, I got a call and was asked to be on a show, No.Mercy. I was confused at first, the show was already so far along and the guys had gone through a lot of challenges, why would they let me join last minute?
'Well, they explained that there wasn't enough rappers, of the 8 left there was 6 singers and 2 rappers. I knew that, if I did this I wouldn't be liked, but I had to, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. When I started the show, those two weeks were the hardest weeks of my training ever. I was literally alone, they all hated me, they saw it as I was guaranteed a spot in the new group, but I wasn't. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that I was closer to my dream.
'On the last elimination, when they announce my name as being in the group, I could've fainted. I couldn't believe it, my heart was racing and I did everything I could to keep from crying.
'After the recording ended, I of course called my parents, and then I tried to call her but she didn't answer. I figured she was probably mad cuz I hadn't talked to her for awhile so I decided to go to her. When I was waiting for the bus, I heard her voice. I turned thinking maybe she somehow knew where to find me but, when I found her in the crowd, she was with another guy." Changkyun stopped he bit his lower lip and you could see how upset talking about this made him.
He let out a quivering sigh and continued, "I followed them, they went into this store and when she had finally walked away, I approached the guy. It took everything in me not to hit him, but I needed answers. I made small talk with him and eventually brought up his girlfriend, then I asked 'how long have you guys been dating?' His answer completely destroyed me, they had been dating for over a year (y/n)," Changkyun looked up at you and you could see he was holding back tears.
"After I found out, I cut her off, I never talked to her again, every week she would try to call or text me and I wouldn't answer. She got to the point where she believed she did everything she could to keep us together and she did the right thing breaking up with me. That was fine, I knew the truth, down the road she would have to live with what she did to me." Changkyun continued as he wiped his eyes.
"After that I told myself never again, never again will I let someone into my life like that, then you came along." Changkyun said turning away from you, "I really kept to myself but, we all grew a friendship with you, and, I hated seeing the other guys with you making you laugh, that night when you and I, I don't regret it."
You were both quiet, you weren't sure what to say, you had done so much stuff to hurt Changkyun and yet, here he was truly letting you in his life.
"Changkyun," you began again.
"I don't care what happened in the last few days, whatever happened in those days is your business, but," Changkyun interrupted, "I need to know that from today on, you will be with me, and only me, because, I really can't take another heartbreak like before."
You watched Changkyun as he fixed his eyes on yours, he took your hand in his hands and cupped them tightly.
"I just need to know that you will be in this 100% like me from now on." Changkyun said quietly as his eyes stared down at your hands.

"Changkyun, I..."