When He's Gone

Chapter 15: The Call

It's been four months since Brooklyn left- 121 days, 10512011 seconds; and somehow this still isn't easier.

I snap myself awake. My heart is racing out of my chest but the silence of the night seems to somewhat calm me. Terrible dreams have become a constant thing for me, making sleep next to impossible. Nothing hurts more than not knowing how he is, what he's doing, and if he is even breathing. I turn my body and wrap my arms around his pillow, peeking out the window between the crack in the curtains. The stars cast a shine on the freshly fallen snow. I sigh quietly and carefully roll myself onto my back, placing a hand on baby.

I remember my first Christmas with Brooklyn; snowball fights, hot chocolate, our terribly crafted snowman, the mistletoe kisses, the presents, the smiles, the laughter, the love that I fear so much to lose.

I start to drift off again until I hear the phone ring from the other room. I press the home screen of my own to check the time, it's nearly 3am, almost noon for him. Seeing Brooklyn's dorky smile on my screen makes me surprisingly uncomfortable until his photo fades away. Naturally my thoughts turn to his safety but I convince myself I'm wrong. He's strong, he's brave, he's careful. Nothing bad can happen to him. Right?

I quickly get up out of Brooklyn's warm bedsheets make my way down the stairs. There stands Natalie, staring at the countdown on the fridge. 13 months until he's supposed to come home.

Here I am, frozen at the bottom of the stairs. It's almost as if the whole world has been put on pause but I feel the baby move and I start to cry. I have no idea as to why I'm even crying, as to what is even going on.

I hear Brooklyn's voice repeat what he told me only a short time ago.

"Something's wrong I know it. Don't make me worry more than I need to."

I walk towards Natalie and gulp, my throat is tight but somehow I'm strong enough to choke out a question that's been haunting me since the day he left. I'm afraid my nightmares have become a reality, I'm afraid I have to hear the news that I dread more than anything.

This can't be happening. He doesn't even know about the baby yet.

"Natalie", I cry.
My voice breaks and I find myself limp.
"Is he okay?"