The past few days have been absolute hell.
I had tried finding Elizabeth in every possible way. For days, I had ridden the same train, from point to point. I had asked around, describing a tall beautiful girl to any passenger that would listen to me. I had even walked all the different train sections, occasionally calling her name, desperate to see her. I'd waited constantly to see those entrancing brown eyes and that sweet smile. There had been times where I thought I heard the faint whisper of an accent, or the happy laugh of the girl with the delicate wrists. Every time I had thought I was close to finding her, reality had sunken in and I'd been forced to go home with a dull pain in my head and an immense sadness in my heart. Things would have probably been better if I'd been able to forget her once I got home, but I saw her even in my dreams. I had woken up many times deep into the night, reaching for someone who wasn't there, crying out for the warmth that had left me days ago.
I didn't know what that girl had done to me. All I knew was that I couldn't stop thinking about her. I missed her voice, her dimpled nose, her beautiful laugh and smile. I missed her thoughts and her arm wrapping around me, the solidity of her body. For years, I had lived isolating myself from the world. I had always tucked myself into my own corner, away from everyone, so sure that no one cared. When I met Elizabeth, all that had changed. I'd had our encounter on repeat in my head for what seemed like forever. When she had spoken to me, it was as if she had actually seen me. She hadn't ignored me, she hadn't interrupted me. She had looked into my eyes and acknowledged every word I had said. It was as if my words had been the most interesting thing she had ever heard. Then there was the way she had smiled at me. It was as if that smile had been reserved just for my eyes. I remember the way I had heard her breath catch when I ran my thumb over her veins. I hadn't noticed it before but thinking back, when I had looked up to see her eyes during that moment, I had seen something flash within them. It was the briefest emotion, there for only a second, but I was sure that I had seen it. It was love. Even if only for an instant, in whatever way it had been, Elizabeth had loved and trusted me. When she had leaned into me after I had pulled her close, she had given me something special. I didn't know what it had been but it was something. I had felt it then, just as I felt it now. The memory of her skin against mine burned within me, haunting me. Elizabeth more than changed me. She just may have saved me. Her words, her actions, her feelings, they had made me feel like I mattered. Like I was important. No one had ever made me feel as safe as she had when we were together. No one had bothered, but she did. I felt it in every bone of my body, Elizabeth cared for me as I cared for her. Maybe not as strongly, but our short time together had done something to both of us. I was sure of it. What I wasn't sure of was why she had disappeared and not come back. She had taken my sweatshirt and left, without a single word. For days I had waited. I had tried answering the questions on my own but it had been absolutely impossible. Only she could have ever given me the right answers. All I wanted was her. I wanted so badly to find her. The days had gone by and within me I knew that I had been preparing myself for the knowledge that she would never return to me. My beautiful Elizabeth would never come back. I wouldn't ever get to feel the warmth of her skin. I wouldn't ever get to laugh in the way that she had made me laugh. And as much as it hurt to say, I was sure I wouldn't ever care for anyone as much as I cared for the girl that I had connected so much with.
Last night I had promised myself I wouldn't come to the train anymore after today. Not this one. I had gone days looking for a girl that would never come back to me. I didn't regret a single one of those days, but being on the same train on which I had met Elizabeth that fateful day made my heart ache in a way I couldn't handle. It was too much for me. I had lived my life not caring for anyone as deeply as I did for Elizabeth. The moment I did care, my safety had been snatched from me. So I had decided that today would be the last time I came, my last goodbye to the place where so little yet so much had happened.
