Elizabeth

May 4th

She was there again, standing right in front of me.

But it wasn't real.

After weeks of going through the same thing, I had finally learned to tell the difference between dreams and reality. This obviously wasn't reality. I already knew that it never would be.

Dream, I reminded myself as I saw her smiling at me. She was wearing a long light blue dress this time, with no shoes on. There was a glowing halo of light surrounding her and she looked so beautiful. I watched as she stood looking back at me with those eyes that I had loved so much, that same cheesy smile on her face.

The dreams had faded when I had made myself forget her. I hadn't dreamt of Elizabeth in almost a month, yet somehow here she was. This was the most vibrant dream I had ever had of her, and in my dream state, my body ached to reach out and touch her. I wouldn't let myself do it, not this time.

"You're not real," I said, more to myself than her. I saw as her whole face dropped and my heart felt like it was breaking when I saw a tear roll down her cheek. She took a step toward me and I stepped back, not wanting to make myself go through the pain of her leaving again. She nodded her head, understanding. Elizabeth had stopped talking in my dreams long before I had stopped dreaming about her. It was probably because I could no longer remember her voice, even when I tried. I had forgotten it long ago. I took one last longing look at her before turning away, forcing myself to wake up.

I felt a strong arm around my waist and rough stubble against my bare back as I opened my eyes. Jason was breathing heavily and I heard a few snores escape from between his open lips. I gently moved his arm, and got out of bed. I looked down at him as he rolled over, his naked chest facing upward and his legs tangled in the bed covers. I smiled before I took his button-up shirt from the floor and slipped into it.

Jason had been the man who had helped me in the hospital. After letting me sleep for a few more hours, he had finally introduced himself. It turned out that he was actually the son of the hospital owner. He was set with money and with a bit of convincing, he could get most of what he wanted. He had been there when I was brought in by the train officials and had asked about me until they had finally let him come see me. We had talked for hours after I fully awoke and I had told him about living in a home. He had asked me how old I was and I told him how I had turned 18 back in August. He was 23 and worked as part of administration at the hospital. He also happened to have his own place. After my release (and about ten more dates) he asked me to move in with him. At first I had thought it was a little too sudden, but he was so kind to me and I really did like him. He had even helped me get into a GED program so that I could go to college later on if I chose to. I moved in with him and he bought me a car. He also bought me clothes and a new cellphone. Even with all the things he gave me, he still remained respectful of me. He never asked me to do something I wasn't ready to do. I wasn't a virgin, but I hadn't had sex in such a long time and it was something huge for me to even think of. Last night, I had felt ready. After months of being together, I had finally welcomed him home with a romantic dinner and a willingness he didn't expect.

I still remember his face above me as he asked, "Are you sure?" He'd had such tenderness in those green eyes. I had nodded back at him and whispered yes, wanting him to know that this was what I wanted.

He was so sweet to me and afterward, he had wrapped me in his arms and pulled me against him. I felt safe next to him and we had both quickly fallen asleep.

That was when I had dreamt of Elizabeth.

I shook the memory from my head, not wanting to think of her anymore. I went to the bathroom and started the shower, still convincing myself that thinking of Elizabeth was pointless. I was happy with Jason and I didn't need her. I was sure of it.