After rushing out of Elizabeth's house, I had run back in the general direction of the mall, reaching my car almost immediately. I remember how I had unlocked it and gotten in, feeling numb and empty. I had driven to Jason's house and made dinner for him, playing the part of the good girlfriend. I had felt him looking at me with slightly suspicious eyes all evening but he never questioned me directly. I had crawled into bed after watching a film with him, mentally and emotionally exhausted from having spent hours trying to push Elizabeth away from my thoughts. I had felt Jason get into bed next to me, and wrap his strong arms around me. Normally I would have felt safe being with him, but I had only felt constricted and suffocated. I had slipped out of his arms, and made sure I was turned away from him as I felt tears start flowing down my face. I could feel his hurt surrounding me, and it only made me cry even more. I heard as he rolled over and quickly fell asleep, low snores escaping his mouth. After not sleeping for some hours, I got up and glanced at the small alarm clock on the nightstand next to our bed. It was almost one o'clock and I was more awake than ever. I decided to go for a drive to clear my head. I left a sleeping Jason behind as I slipped out the front door in pijamas, keys in hand. I drove with no general direction, soon realizing I was approaching the mall where Elizabeth and I had seen each other once more. I felt a pang rise in my chest at the thought of our lips moving against one another, my hands moving along her soft curves. I shook the image from the head quickly, driving past the mall and toward a small park I had seen the day before on the way to Elizabeth's house. I soon reached the park and left my car in the most lighted area, not wanting to take any chances with potential thieves. I climbed out and walked toward the nearby swing set, needing to feel fresh air against my skin. I sat down on a swing and began pumping my legs up and down, feeling the cool air against my face. I was glad that the night hadn't been too chilly, it made the fast air against me feel even better. I closed my eyes and kept swinging, enjoying the feeling of flying. I felt myself rise higher and higher, aware of the quiet swish of my legs. I suddenly felt a sudden urge to yell and was just about to open my mouth and do it when I heard a noise come from somewhere to my right side. I snapped my eyes opened and turned my head, trying to locate the noise. My jaw all but dropped as I saw the figure standing there, seeming small and alone.
"Jess," I heard Elizabeth's soft velvet voice wander up to me. I stopped swinging and stopped myself with the ground underneath my feet.
I stood up straight once the swing completely stopped, unsure of whether I should go to the fragile girl that stood still looking at me. I watched as she made her way over to me and noticed her shivering a bit in her own pijama bottoms and thin sweater. My first instinct was to embrace her as she came closer to me but I forced myself to stay in my place, arms wrapped around myself even though I obviously didn't feel the same cold she did.
"What are you doing here?" she asked as she came to a stop before me. She seemed slightly confused but mostly relieved to have seen her and I almost smiled at her as I saw her lips curl up a bit.
"I went for a drive," I replied somewhat dryly, looking down at the floor to avoid eye contact with her. "What are you doing here?" I asked back.
"I couldn't sleep so I came here, I usually do when I have a difficult time in anything," she replied, stepping even closer to me. I stepped back, not wanting any distance between us to close. She looked hurt, and her arms seemed limp against her body. "Look Jess, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make a mess of anything."
"You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend," I said quietly, still not turning to face her. "Sorry, I mean fiancé."
"Jess... I didn't know how to bring it up. I feel something for you," she said in a more hesitant voice. "I think I felt for you the very first time I laid eyes on you back when you were helping load luggage onto the train. I knew you were special then and I knew that I had to become closer to you... something about you just drew me in. I didn't mean to take it so far but after seeing you, I couldn't help myself. I wanted you even when I had someone else. It was wrong and selfish and I'm sorry. But none of that changes the fact that I still want you and I still feel a connection with you." I finally looked up to see tears pouring down her soft cheeks, her bottom lip shaking a bit with the amount of emotion she had clearly been holding in.
My heart broke as I saw the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes practically crumble in front of me. I walked forward to her and wrapped my arms around her, feeling her lean in against me and cry into my neck. I felt the small little dimples rub against me slightly and I remembered that day so clearly, us being in a similar situation and feeling so connected. Tears began streaming down my face and pretty soon we were both bawling, letting out emotions we probably didn't even know existed. After a few minutes of uncontrolled crying, I felt Elizabeth relax against my body and soon after I stopped crying, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. I hugged Elizabeth and kissed the top of her head, my fingers running down her hair.
"I'm sorry Elizabeth," I said, my voice slightly croaky from crying. "I really am."
"I broke up with Aidan," I heard her reply and I lifted my eyebrows in surprise. I pulled away from her and held her at arms distance. I waited for her to continue her response. "I... don't feel the need to be with him. I don't want him and I don't think I ever did. He was just... there." I saw her dip her head a bit.
"I mean he did seem a bit posh and like a somewhat asshole," I said, lifting her chin and smiling at her as our eyes met. I ran my thumb along her jawline and saw her close her eyes a little.
"Oh he was definitely an asshole," she said with a small laugh. Her cute little teeth were showing and I felt a strong surge of affection just then. I pulled her against me, and wrapped my arms around her waist. She rested her hands against my neck and I kissed the corner of her mouth softly. She tightened her grip when I did and I moved my mouth to meet hers, our lips connecting once again. As we kissed, I felt a big pressure lift from my shoulders. Somehow, I felt like things would be okay. Elizabeth pulled away from me and I took her hand. She led me to her apartment just a few blocks away and this time, when we entered I took the time to take in the whole place. She led me to the bedroom and we dropped our coats and kicked off our shoes. I got in on one side of the queen-sized bed and she got into the other. She moved closer to me and our legs tangled under the soft covers as we faced each other. I placed one arm around her and gave a final kiss to the heart shaped lips and dimpled nose I loved so much. I felt her arm wrap around me also, making me feel warm and whole. I closed my eyes and smiled, happy to be here. Soon, we were both sleeping heavily and peacefully, just like the very first time on the train.
