The Irish Teacher ( Colifer story ) #wattys2016

Runaway

Jens POV

I feel Colin sit beside me, we haven't spoke in a while. I don't want to.

'It's not your fault.'

I clench my fist in desperate attempts to stop shaking.

'I know.'

I don't want to look at him. I don't want to let him see me this way.

'It's no ones fault.'

'I know.'

'Jennifer.' He grabs my hand. 'It's ok.'

'I know that. I'm fine, look at me I'm fine.'

I look at him now, his hands clasped around my wrists.

'I'm sorry.'

'I don't want your pity... in fact I don't need it so-'

I pull my hands free of his grip turning back away from him.

'Jen don't shut me out.'

'This has nothing to do with you Colin.'

I snap.

'Jennifer I know your hurting I-'

'No. you don't.'

'Look.' He reaches for my arm I pull away.

'No I just want to go home.'

'I'll drive you.'

'I can manage-'

I get up as I'm hit with a wave of pain, it rips in my stomach. I lean forward as he pulls me up.

'Stop arguing with me.'

I allow him to support me. I don't want to be this way.

~ The apartment ~

I push into the apartment and away from him. I crash down onto the couch reaching for the half a bottle of vodka. Colin stops me, sitting me up.

'Jennifer. You don't need that.'

'You can't tell me what to do!'

'I just protecting you-'

'Why? You're nothing to me...'

I stop realising what I just said. He gets up, straightening out his suit.

'I didn't-'

'I best go. Don't rush back to work..'

'Colin..'

I watch as the door clicks shut behind him. I place my hand on my stomach and cry. I pull out my phone and dial. My hands shaking, I feel sick.

Listening to the beeps as I distance from reality, In a alternate world I'm happy. I'm in love carrying our wonderful creation in my stomach. To be greeted by its beautiful eyes in a sweet short nine months. The idea of holding its tiny delicate hands and watching it sleep through the worlds imperfections. Doting all my precious time to it's every cry.

'Sorry the person you're calling is currently unavailable, please leave a message after the beep..'

I snap back into reality, my hand clenched against my empty stomach. A life ripped from the earth because of me... not even a single cry could have the chance of reaching my ears. Those sparking eyes I'd imagined, failed to exist. Maybe the worlds imperfection is me.

'Seb.. I need you to call me.. please.'

~ The day after ~

I enter the office, my hands tightly tucked in my pocket.

'I told you not to rush back.' He mutters not looking up.

I slowly place the white papered letter in front of him.

'I'm not.'

I start walking back to the door. He gets up stopping me.

'Jennifer let me support you-'

'No. I don't need support, you think I'm weak, I'm not I'm strong. I'm independent Colin, I'm capable of looking after myself. I don't need this job, you or anyone I-'

I pull my hand from his grip, pushing him away from me. I can't let him comfort me, I can't feel his touch. I'll hurt him. I hurt everything..

'Letting me help doesn't make you weak Jennifer, you lost a child I know it's hard right now and everything seems bleak I-'

'You don't know though you-'

'I do.'

I stop.

'Me and Helen, we lost our first during childbirth. I know you're hurting Jennifer and dear god I know it sucks but you can't just close up, it doesn't help anything. Let me in, let me share your burden.'

My back turned from him. I listen to his choking voice, I know his chin is trembling. I know he's hurt.

'I can't. Not this time... I'm sorry.'

I place my hand on the door.

'It will never get better if you bottle it up. I will eat you from the inside out... you need to let someone in before it destroys you.'

I look back at him.

'Like you did? Like you bottled it up?

He looks back towards the window, his eyes filling. I can tell the light pricks his eyes as he swiftly looks back at me.

'Don't make the same mistake as I did.'

I don't want to hurt him. He's been everything to me, I have to shut him out...

'I think my mistake was dragging you into this.'

I turn away before he swiftly pulls me back.

'Jennifer-'

'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..'

I pull away. His hand still gripped on my wrist.

'You have you let me go. You have to.'

'Go where?'

'I don't know, anywhere... away.. just, somewhere I can't hurt you-'

'Stop.' I'm pulled closer to him. My eyes focused on his face, the burning tears shredding down my skin. His grip still tight but I feel them trembling.

'Let me runaway with you.'

I tried so hard to not cry a loud but now my mouth blurts open as I release the cries of silent screams. I'm shaking and I can't stop.

'I once told you, I wish I was sword fighting with Captain Hook... maybe you was right, I should of been flying with Peter Pan.'

'I don't-'

'You'll always be my Captain Hook, and maybe that's where I went wrong. I fell in love with the villain. He wasn't always the villain but he was created, I don't want to be responsible for that I-'

'Jennifer I love you please-'

He refuses to look away, even as his lips trembles and his shoulders heave with emotion, unwilling to back down.
His dark lashes brimming heavy with tears; his hands clenched on mine in a shaking first, in a desperate battle against heartbreak.

'If you love me, the way you say you do, you know you have to let me go...'

'Please-'

'You know I'll only hurt us both. You deserve better, you-'

'Jen please I-'

'Let me go..'

I beg him, pleading so desperately. It's like a scene from a movie, us both heartbroken sobbing through the silent halls and rooms. Hearing him cry is the most painful thing I've witnessed, I shouldn't have come back. I should have just left.

Slowly, his hands let go of mine. I don't retract from a moment but before I know it, my hands are on the door and I'm running away.