AM Thoughts

#13

   you know what sucks? pretending to have anxiety and other mental illnesses just to look 'cool' and tumblr-ish is sucks. let me tell you what, having anxiety is not 'cool' at all. i hate it and i hope i've never experienced it. but here i am, a seventeen-year-old teen that sucks in my social life because of this stupid social anxiety. As a kid, it's always hard for me to even meet my cousins and all the other relatives. i was just too shy and afraid if i ever embarrassed myself in front of them. i thought too much and i will always feel sucks about myself. i will never go out from my room if they're coming and pretending to sleep when my mom called me out. i knew i shouldn't do that, but i just couldn't help myself. the thoughts of being judged if i do wrong things and being looking at just killed me inside. as i am growing up, they're still label me as that passive kid and whatever am i doing is weird to them. i never have a close cousin to talk to. when all the families are gathering, i will be left out. i try to communicate and shoo the thoughts away, but i lose to them sometimes. even as a kid, this anxiety was the thing that keep me crying at midnight and being the cause of my sleep lacking. it's not easy. already a teenager, but they still think that i am that passive and coward kid. don't even get me started on when i always have a random mental breakdown just because of this stupid anxiety. it's not good and i don't see why you want to pretend to have it. it's just make you feel stupid and sucks okay. you're lucky that you're not have it. mental illnesses are never 'cool' to us, so why do you think you need it? no, just stop.

omg im so emo at this time lmao