Alone in a nightmare (self harm, suicide and mental illnesses)

What its like to be a cutter

You think being a cutter is fun? That you do it so you get attention, like its a trend. Do you think I want to cut??
No

Its addicting, once you start, you cant stop
Its like a drug.
A cure
A relief
Its like being able to feel alive again.

You see blood, but not enough.
So you make another cut
and another
and another
until its over
Until you feel like fainting
Until you are asleep
Until you are dead
Its never enough

If its for attention
Then why do you try so hard to jide it?
Cover it up
Hide the secret
Hide the newest piece of artwork you made
If its for attention,
Then why do we want no-body to know
because we know that people out there
think its x-factor for whos crazier.
And the competition is between you, your brain and your mind.

Imagine living a life around a blade?
Buying a new wardrope to hide scars and fresh cuts
Buying braclets for the wrist cuts
Not being able to wear t-shirts
Going to the hospital with the docters looking at your arms, making faces
Hearing people whisper about you
Finding out rumours about you
Losing your friends because they judged you
Thinking your going crazy

Cutting isnt fun, or happy, etc
It sucks, because one cut, is never enough. You never feel relieved until you see blood dripping from your arm, leg stomach, hips etc.

Imagine not being able to look in the mirror because your afraid of what you might see.
Knowing that you'll cry if you do

And your sick of crying.

Yes I myself am a cutter, I do know exactly what it feels like, I get judged....by my own family. Its not fun, its not a dream and defitantly not happy.
My mind is usually on cutting, when ima do it, how, why, where etc
I think of it as a drug, like cocaince. Its addictive, can kill you, has side effects if you do it to much, but it mskes the pain go away.
I hide mine, I dont go around showing them around
Yes, some people do, do jt for attention, or it may be a trend.
But for me
It isnt
Its not.
I have 2 people who know
My bestfriend and my other bestfriend
And my family but they couldnt care less........
So dont count them.

As a cutter I know where to cut, for how much blood I want to see, How to cut to make it more painful, where to cut to die, what to use etc etc etc
So Im not new with this stuff
I had help eith people
But it was no use, I lied my way out of it
Then went home to cut some more and go back the next week doing the same thing
With another 100 new cuts
I would always say Im fine
When actually
You dont know me
You dont know what I have been through
So shut your freakin mouth
And keep it shut
Before I take you and your judgemental mouth
To hell
Where it shall remian forever

So thats half of what its like
Happy?

an-Ok so I tried to make it sound at least half of some what normal....
But I will go over it in a few weeks for ya
When I can be bothered that is
So yes
I do cut
Dont comment, message or do anything about it
that would be nice:-)
Again
DO NOT COMMENT ON MY LIFE STORY PLEASE
Caps just to get it through your head:-)
Anywho I got no idea what next chapter is guna be about
So im thinking of doing my story??
But I was going to do that at end of story
comment a smily if you think I should or just want me to so you may be able to relate to
just kidding
dont message me
I dont need that:-)
But thanks for the offer!!!

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Enjoy :-)

COR xxx