The Musings of a Lily

Rewind

Chapter Thirteen: Rewind

My mother's story seemed surreal when I first heard it. It took Emma's snarky recap of it to actually pierce my ears, the way she put it "...you mean how you blackmail your clients into giving you more money under the table in exchange for the work they asked for"."I deserve that, no one has a clue how hard I work!","You disgust me" Emma had said.

I can't say that my feelings were the same as Emma's that's because I'm already nauseated all the time; I was sure of the horror though. Apparently this time my mother failed at convincing this one client that it's a habit of the firm to ask for more money at the last minute. I don't know if she had no time to alter some minor details in the contract, or lost her cunning touch to fool people; in both cases the result was a law suit, and a house full of childhood memories that were both lost.

Emma had said a fact that I was trying not to realize. "Salem did a bunch of stupid things, marrying you was one of them; but I didn't think he was that dumb to write the house's deed in your name. I don't think I can even blame him this time, it's simply all you". She was rather proud about the house being hers a month after her marriage, and she paid no minimal attention to the mention of dad, she just snorted. I was starting to seriously consider my mother's ability to have feelings for any breathing soul. She didn't even pay attention to the baby girl she hasn't seen in a month, and that was what hurt the most.

I didn't know any other possible places where I could grab her and run away, this was my last resort. She couldn't sleep with the constant tension; I had to take her in my arms in the rocker chair each night to calm her down. Reading stories didn't do it anymore.

With mother's acts, impossible logic and on-a-loop complaints; putting on top of that Emma's unshakable vendetta, it's safe to say the house was a shooting gallery. Grandpa was watching from the last seat in theater, he only stepped in when Emma was about to throw a candelabra at mother the other day.

I remember lying on the sofa one day after a fatal argument when Emma decided to blame her for the first incident of blood vomiting that day I went to the house. I laid down instantly after hearing mother's response of how she didn't know because no one bothered with checking on her. I was scared I would show her a recap of the bloody scene. He poured me a glass of water and sat beside me after Emma went into the kitchen. She simply ignored mother seeing my ragged breaths. I had thought for the three days that passed no one was paying attention to my love life anymore. Emma was busy scratching her daughter's eyes out and Sandra had to go back home to spend some time with her parents before they decide to leave again. But Grandpa surprised me..."I miss you Grandpa","I do too child. You just seemed like you needed some space recently","You should spread that word around, no one seems to get that"."You don't get that temper from your mother you know" he paused. "Are you still listening to the record I got you?"I thought that was an odd detour, "No, not like before. It brings back memories". I used to play that every day since he got it for my birthday. Kareem loved playing it in the background as we talked; he said it was relaxing. We even danced to it once."It reminds you of Kareem right?" I nodded among the little nudges in my chest, swallowing his choice of topic. "I don't want to forget him, I just don't want it to hurt anymore","Do you think the hurt will go away if you stop that record?" I shook my head. "Then you should just keep it playing, maybe even let him come back and dance to it","I can't do that, as much as I want to","Why not Lily?""Because he's not the only one who wants to dance with me Grandpa; there might be another ... melody around".

"Then you keep listening to both till you find the right one",