The Musings of a Lily

Climax

Chapter Fourteen: Climax

The most pristine moment I can remember was me standing in the Rena's room reprimanding her for meeting that boy, Andrew, behind my back. I was telling her how I was going to take her phone and laptop, how she'll answer the phone before the eyes of the entire house; and I simply stopped talking. She'd been speaking to him for weeks in cunning disclosure, waiting for everyone to go to bed so she can have the phone to herself to goo and woo on for hours without anyone interrupting.

I had looked back at her room's door several times to make sure it was well closed, I couldn't afford mother hearing my loud disparage. That's when I had the two opposite poles of my disturbed brain send signals to particularly the diseased part to say one thing, and think the opposite of it. I found myself threatening that I'd go to mother and tell her, using her as my last card; while thinking how I was doing to her the precise thing I loathe my mother for, feeling like the most messed up unmitigated hypocrite. The outburst was over and I found a languid cool pallor slowly descending on my eyes sending me to a slow and heavy sleep.

I woke up in a hospital bed; sweating, panting and wan. Emma was right there beside the bed telling me how she's thinking about putting her daughter up for an auction sale. I hadn't noticed the doctor was behind her till he snorted on one of her snarly jokes. He was writing some stuff down from the beeping monitor above me.

"How are you feeling Miss Lily?" he asked,

"Like one with cancer would feel". His mouth turned into a hard line, looking clueless. "I feel a little hot... and as you can see a little short on breath". Stupid doctors!

Kareem came in and the stagger in my eyes wasn't discreet. "Don't look so shocked, he called and I told him where we were" Emma chanted.

"Miss Lily, I already informed your father of the latest progressions on your treatment scheme; and he asked me to tell you of our last results" Kareem came to sit beside me holding my hand. "Your charts recently were showing that your therapy dosage weren't sufficient, so we increased them in case you haven't noticed..."

Like it's so enjoyable to spend time here with you butchers that it flies by without me noticing two more hours of bulking chemicals in my veins.

"..unfortunately, and I am very sorry to tell you this, the tumor's cells didn't appear to diminish at all on the x-rays. The size is static; the chemo doesn't affect it anymore. It's simply making you weak, collapsing your immunity while the tumor grows stronger".

I just nodded. "Great. So I can go home now?" I said lightly.

"Um... we can consider alternatives. There's radiotherapy, and we've already performed a little procedure this morning to take some of it out". I hadn't realized the new cut at the side of my head till he pointed it out.

"Of course you did",

"We'll give you the plans to the alternatives and we can discuss it any time you're ready".

"I'll think about it. Can I just have some more meds for the pain and the fever?"

He said he'd prescribed them already. I couldn't wait till I got out of that hospital, but I had another day on top of the two other during which I had been unconscious, a day when everyone was waiting on me to make my call, but waiting in utter silence. I felt like a psychotic scientist who's the only key to dismantling a nuclear bomb; Emma was hovering around adjusting my pillow, making sure I ate and calling a nurse if the beeping is too fast; which she eventually realized it was because Kareem was in the room. He was doing nothing but sitting in silence his hands clutching at his lowered head, staring at the floor.