The Musings of a Lily

A Horrific Scene ... Take Two

Chapter Fifteen: A Horrific Scene ... Take Two

But they are suffering in both scenarios, whether you fry yourself under a radiation machine or not.

I should have just hiked to Antarctica the moment I found out I had this stupid tumor .. no offence..

None taken, you're the one who thinks I'm the tumor.

..and just die peacefully in the cold and novelty. Wait, what do you mean you're not the tumor.

Tumors don't talk.

Oh really, like I missed that; but that's the only idea I have, it's better than crazy.

You're still crazy if you think I'm a talking bulk of cells.

Then we'll agree you're a hallucination, how about that?

Eh, I guess it's less dramatic .. if that's what you're looking for.

Just back to the subject.

There's no subject smarty, you had to choose. Do you want to die with your face in the toilet.

Oh God! Could you be less specific .. of course I don't

By that point the only comfort I had was in talking to my tumor .. or the hallucination or whatever. I thought of calling him Dave to make it easier, although the sound didn't make it clear if it was deep or high pitched. I had been spending three days in my locked room doing nothing but thinking of ideas to fill that hole in my chest, and Dave was the only one to talk to. I don't know why I imagined him like a talking stuffed bear.

... It was for his own good right?

And yours, you didn't love him that much anyway.

of course I did! Don't say that, the timing was just wrong.

How long would you two have lasted anyway, three, five, ten years before he broke down?

You know your timeline is very hopeful, I appreciate that... but if I weren't dying, he wouldn't have had to breakdown.

You don't know if that other poet guy would breakdown as well or not, so it's not fair to dump him for that reason.

He's solid enough, he won't break.

We'll see.

Yes, I definitely was going to see a reaction that was one of a kind.

I had been taking sleeping pills to shut down my mind, and Dave. I would wake up with a terrible headache and swollen eyes and end up pouring the glass water on the nightstand all on my head to lessen the heat, but then I'd go back doing it all over again just to sleep. I was thinking of taking three pills one time just to skip right ahead to Monday but I was scared they'd think I'm dead, and I'd wake up in my funeral. By the third day I had to get out of the room before the mirror started talking back to me.

"So have you changed your stupid mind or not?" Sandra said as I came downstairs. She was trying to fix something in her camera.

"Nice to see you as well",

"Oh shut up, you're the one who's been in her room for three days. Have you even bothered to remember that graduation is today?" she sounded genuinely angry.