The Musings of a Lily

When Summer Ends

Chapter Twenty Two: When Summer Ends

I can hear his footsteps thudding in my ears as they come closer; the thuds carry with them the increasing annoyance that's turning into abhorrence by the time he reaches the door. The lights are out again after I specifically told him never to do that, it's like he's helping my nightmares to become more monstrous. I can see his shadow creeping at the door, that definitely rewinds parts of my grey nightmares; and I can't reach the lamp on the nightstand because I can't see in the damn dark!

"Lily, do you need something?" I told him to talk in the lowest tone he could manage, it would be better if he just sends me notes because the sad touch in his voice revolts me.

"Why ... why just tell me why, did you have to turn off the lights?!" I take off my wet clothes to let some of the cool air dry my body; the summer's hot breeze is no more. I hope it would take the fever's sweat away, I've been having fevers every two days; the doctor said it's my struggling immunity.

"You told me to Lily, your migraine was excruciating",

"Just stop saying my name, I can't take it!" I shout, "Next time I beg you to turn my world darker than it is already is ignore me; if I need my disturbing dreams to be more prominent I won't hesitate to darken the entire place. Do you like it, me shouting at you nearly all the time?"

"Just let me come in, please. Let me talk to you",

"No, Kamal just stay away. You'll just make things worse" I could hear his footsteps fading reluctantly. I open the windows wider in the light of the nightstand, and then I light up the entire room. I go to bed and pray I won't see that damn grey nightmare again.

***

I wake up clutching at my head, waiting for the impact of the crash, waiting for window splinters to fly on my skin raiding it with tiny million cuts ... but all I get is the vacant silence of the white bedroom. I look around and see that it's morning, which is masked by the glaring lights of the chandelier. I go down to the kitchen to get some water for the fever pill when I find Kamal sitting on one of the bar chairs, head down on the counter. He looks up when I drop the glass, still shaky from that nightmare. I guess he fell asleep, which is just perfect! The last thing I need is to see his face, how anguished and torn it is, bringing back the bulk of emotions that I can't understand.

He gets down to the ground and starts helping me. "You can leave it, Rose will take care of it". I won't answer, I won't encourage conversation. If he was thoughtful enough, he'd simply leave; but of course not! He has to use the fact that this is the first time he's seen me in three days to talk.

He can't take his eyes off me, "Can we please talk?", I close my eyes clenching my jaws and I breathe out slowly to over look the torn voice. "Lily ..." I hold up my hand and shake my head, still trying to breathe through that voice of his. The step he takes closer are mirrored by the two steps I take away, he exhales in frustration and looks down. His perfume makes me want to throw up. "I don't understand" he whispers.

I take my medicine and start walking back to my room now, he sleeps in another one; or apparently here in the kitchen. He stands before me blocking my way. I will not look at him, I can't. He seems resilient, so I turn around heading to the other staircase. I walk into the living room finding his clothes scattered everywhere, my anger beats me and I glare at him. "I know I was supposed to hide them in another room, but you've been so tired lately and I never managed to do it",

"God, I can't stand this!"

"Just tell me why all this?!",

"I don't know! It chokes me every time I see you or hear your voice or even see something that belongs to you"